I’m Actually Pretty Amazing

Rock bottom was a step up to me. Just like my left nut to my right. Treated no different than dirt. Misery is happy while being stepped. No concept of “staying in my place”, or of shackles and being a slave. This was my lot in life. Be the best dirt you can be, don’t disgrace. To the farmers who plant the seed, grass grow, much greener through me. Cows graze. Even without four stomachs, they’ll chew, and regurgitate, happily. Golden milk lactate, shipped and sold. High prices paid, no barter or debate. For years, this was fate, common place, contemplate, life wasn’t horrible, life wasn’t great. Fruit of labor stolen in front your face. Uncontested

Can’t tell it was a shady deal, unless one educates, the mechanisms society lifted up and dropped in place. Right on top of me, too much weight to stand up and topple see. In hindsight, now I know why I stayed quiet properly. Simple economics, the top of the totem pole was never the spot for me. When you try to advance be sure to look out for the opposition. They need you there. Keep the structure enact is the mission. At least one where they talk and choose to listen. Used since birth for all your worth. Discarded, call that pimping. Who I was and the possibilities of my capabilities, grew a distance. To whom does one listen, The voice that calls you dirt or the stars the glisten. Mountains out of mole hills. Molded myself out of dirt. Now finally closing the distance.

I Still Care

Frantically played unaware.

Unclear how unfairly I sought Justification. I knew It was wrong but, I would find a reason to do my dirt before long. Falsehood idealization. Lies repeated verbatim. I’m a good person, people made me do it. Honestly I had a lot of patience. Prerequisite to greatness. Standing in front the mirror only to look past myself. Flagrant, shameless. War against the truth waged.

Blinded by flames, set everything ablaze. Buy enough time to get truth seekers off my trail. Leave enough evidence to raise my bail. Natural life sentence on jail. Held secrets in a bucket pale. Water pure enough to cure any ail. Funny how we keep the facts at arms reach. Faker than dandruff posing as a snowflake. Purposely pour out the water when confronted. Greedily collected when successfully deflected. Hatred weaponized, turn poisonous disrespect.

” Look what you made me do.”
Realize
” I already knew. ”

Religiously play difficult, caused too much trouble to hide from my past. Imagine if I took responsibility for the destruction of my own wealth. So, I run. Through the heat, through the flames. Letting the fire burn. Bucket pale, may you one day cease to be infinitely chained. Until I stop turning tail. Nothing will change.

Coffee Flavored Sugar Free Gum

Sugar_Free

Too good for you, a king.

Waking up a servant to desires. Brew my water. Temperatures reach higher. I better not burn myself.  A useful necessity, energy spike. In the morning, never stays throughout the day. I need it the most. Painful, it has to be this way.

Lost in the title. Even a bubble will forget where it came from. Floating up towards the clouds. The only life it knows, in the only way it knows how. Right before it pops, right before its sure that ascendance was it’s and it’s alone. Right before the feeling of…..

“Hoping I can stay like this forever”.

Second only to bliss. It will pop. It will pop and with it an an accompanying scream.

“What is going on” ?

Too self-aware of hopelessness to curse. A wish is made. Time move in reverse. Slowly put together the pieces radiating outwards. Pain staking glue the connection out of sight. A new bubble is reformed. What was once inspiring. Left the stage after it performed. No encore from this audience. More amused with the curtains.

“What’s going on” ?

5 different elements pulled together. To make this perfect. To be out done and made worthless by someone who didn’t even want to be here. Fell through the roof. Rather, rain on my parade. Nothing left to do, backing up, walk away. Cool off in the shade. Mind in a haze. What am I to do from today. Which started off peacefully. What goes around comes around got stuck somewhere on the way. In heat. Little problems on my mind seldom melt away. Catch fire when I magnify issues of yesterday and today.

“What’s going on” ?

Feeling, one with the shade. One with the shadow, following tracks. Glued to backs. Always around even when the sun is out. Complex to simple to nothing. No going back. Chewed bubble gum popped. Spat on the ground to be stepped in. Now someone else’s issue. Scraping it off. Ain’t hard, just a little tricky. Associate darkness with being sticky. Oozing out the walls. Aiming straight at my head.

“What’s going on” ?

Wrote this down, when I fell hard on my face. From high up. Seldom speak because, the walls, listen. Part of the conversation. Get Rid of them and the roof caves in. Vibrations bounce off and back into the microphone, sounding like light whispers everywhere. Catching feelings like a cold. What are you supposed to do when even the bitterness leaves you empty. This gum and this coffee got me, forever hungry.

“What’s going on with me” ?

Temptation is a tight fit. A solid fitting ring even. One night flings. Sweeping up broken dreams. Covering my ears in the night, though I hear the screams. Only person in the crowd not willing to give up a damn thing.

“What’s wrong with me… simple ain’t for you ”

it’s Most definitely for me.

Crystal Clear Blood

Floating_2

Can you smell. Fresh sent.

Paper cut. How can such a thin sheet of paper make me bleed so much. Red is the feeling. Realization of once was. Now literally pouring out of me. Will never be the same. Life reaped out before the blood had a chance to touch the floor. Splattered mercilessly on the ground. Truth concealed, false reality. I’m only human. More specific only one person. Not an immortal god, never had the juice. Red stains hindsight proof, lack of will power towards walking forward into an abyss. My sanity ain’t ready for this. Nostalgia had me. Caught up in a memory distracting from the sting. Focused on the inside, blood flows through my veins right. If all of it came out. I’ll die won’t I ? Constantly thinking about death now.

Don’t I,

History flashes before my eyes. Time a wall never to be touch but to jump back in time and forget all is a must. Remember, memories , take center stage, this can’t be real it’s a play. Curtains opened up to show me. Looking back the actors were bad, matter of fact if this is pulled directly from life. It’s looking kinda sad. Emotions and intentions don’t line up correctly. She smiling but from this third point of view I can tell she trying to hurt me. Although I’m smiling, all I see is a lost little boy. Tired and lonely. These are supposed to be highlights in my life. I was certain. Shit more pain. The cut opened up and worsen. Should be indestructible, only dealing with matter of “fact’. I was certain. Why all the extras and actors in the back row look like snakes lurking. Almost like with every new experience or piece of information. I see through more and more bullshit. While loosing patience.

Their I go again taking actions, clearly shady. Not as good as I make myself out to be. A fallen star landed and almost killed me. That makes it mines now. Mad that it shot back up and left me. Took it out on the nearest beautiful scenery. Left it ugly. The play continued. The pain traveled up my arm and just went loose. No Love could be found anywhere. One evil villain right after another entered to scheme and left to continue on with their dream. My Whole life, nothing was what it seemed. Burning question, what does it all mean.

Second Pair Of Teeth in my Navel

Us versus them. We three are two high to be fighting down in the mud.

Lower you go, events turn trauma dig down and take root in your soul. Don’t believe in souls than If you wake up in the morning and say “Damn, where did the time go”. Chasing youth is how to define old. Looking back finding it hard to figure out, what you did or the facts. Dismissive action turn loose falling skin. Don’t matter, rich on the outside and or hideous within. This is where the second pair of teeth come in. Umbilical cord ripped off early, leaves mind and body weak, better know as pre-mature. Causal winds made weak bones squeak. Mother rushed out the hospital to work, bill to pay next week. Stomach growled for the love of a feast.

Started off in the negative, before I even had my actually set of teeth. Fend for myself ? Where is this power of which you speak. Some adults spend their whole life trying to make a 180 and put one point on the board before death speaks. Us versus them. Most people start off as one, basically against a whole species. Conflicts in history deep seeded. Human life mistreated, the morning will be different if last night you had trouble breathing. Found out my mother’s, mother went through the same troubles while teething. False dreams and hopes rejected. Harshness prerequisite of hostility. Life around us. Couldn’t believe it.

Well versed with death before age of four. Constantly struggle with how to get my weight up. Down for so long, my cloud nine was the embodiment of misery. They say a small bit of poison over time, will help get over the taste. Down that shit impatiently. Hungry to feel something other than pity for me. Satisfied with the lost of vision in my eyes, navigated the whole world differently. I don’t care if you see me, are you feeling me. Ever since then, been hungry for that feeling again. So I eat everything, second pair of teeth in my stomach, although it doesn’t talk. It’s my closest friend.

Two smiles. Body and Mind, perfect physique.