Fight back, how the body reacts. Took a step back. Looked at the situation holistically. Now I can relax. Someone just wants attention. Your name is their mouth however, the insecurities unmentioned. Relentless, defenseless caught in the tension. Asked this question, is it me or will anyone do ? What’s the premise. A story now deploying because, said accuser’s life is boring. Of course you feel powerless, when in life emotions take a back seat and ego does all the touring. Easily satisfied, hunger never gratified. A stomach will ache on a bowl full of lies. Hype yourself up and live off the high. Grow old, never alleviate the little kid inside. Too big to cry. Too smart to try. Too cool to feel anything other than fly. Breakdown on the inside. Life inherently not fair. So you feeling some sort of pain every here and there. Too hype to care. Pieces of you left everywhere. Get it together man, face your fears. Matter of fact step here, if you think you don’t care. I’ll show you how much I don’t, smile in your face, snap a bone. Better yet I’ll scar you with a couple of words in this tone. Mommy / Daddy can’t talk right now. I’m on the phone. Go play somewhere else.
Contradiction my Ex. I’ll admit I stayed for the sex. More specifically to protect the idea of me. How stupid can I be, to let this person in. Physical fit due to mental gymnastics. Meet on occasions, personal split, trying to move forward, terrible at it. Remember all the fun times, yeah, that one time. Body, mind and soul sprung, treated like dung. Attention seek, unhealthily. Mamma told me, how you treat someone is a reflection of you. Hurt people, hurt people. Attacked everything around, called it blowing off steam. Stuck around, called it believing in the love that could be. Co-dependent flee. People pleasing or angry right out of sleep. Nothing is ever good enough or boundaries lost in the drama. Both parties, secret wish. Don’t abandon me.
A week later. Tempted to call her phone.
Ain’t running from shit, sitting in place. Kicked so hard my ass is now stuck spinning in place. Dropped into a wishing well, flesh and blood turn collateral. Looked up at the moon from a hole in the ground. End of the tunnel, cave light funnel. When will I be fit to leave this place, touch your face, take things at our pace.
So with the moon, I’ll make do. Listening to the night, it tells me to forget you. The sun lights the moon, so in truth I never really met you. Hunger sets in, look at what the future, now present you.
In this dream, the open sky is all yours.
As long as I stay down here.
Last chance, contemplating how I’m going to miss this. Never take a chance, my heart won’t forget it. Do what’s done before, a new experience is my only regret. Afraid to slip and fall slept. Quit before I fail to try. Try hard laughably, disown the exaggeration. A little bit of me in every action I chose, even still my pride is too much for me to lose. Staring out the window, might as well ask a tree. Wind through the leaves, nope. Now it’s an answer provided for me. Living my best life, what most people are saying. Most of my nights are filled with praying. A shorter route to tears is all I’ve gained. This is my life, fortune won’t allow me to deny this pain.
Don’t pray for me. Just know, it’s not too late for me. Time moves in revere. Each new moment. It’s like history stole it. Should be happy but, face never shows it. I’ve been sick, took whatever I could from life to suppress it. Never would have guessed it, until I chose courage and flexed it. Stories from the past, won’t be told again. At least trapped here, I won’t grow old again. Sometimes, I wish I picked up a pen instead of a sword. The damage I had a hand in creating can’t be ignored.