Contradiction my Ex. I’ll admit I stayed for the sex. More specifically to protect the idea of me. How stupid can I be, to let this person in. Physical fit due to mental gymnastics. Meet on occasions, personal split, trying to move forward, terrible at it. Remember all the fun times, yeah, that one time. Body, mind and soul sprung, treated like dung. Attention seek, unhealthily. Mamma told me, how you treat someone is a reflection of you. Hurt people, hurt people. Attacked everything around, called it blowing off steam. Stuck around, called it believing in the love that could be. Co-dependent flee. People pleasing or angry right out of sleep. Nothing is ever good enough or boundaries lost in the drama. Both parties, secret wish. Don’t abandon me.
A week later. Tempted to call her phone.
Here, take this, I want you to have it.
You don’t like it ?
Ungrateful little bastard.
Thanks to me you live and you eat. Appreciate and obey me, I am your master.
Love is conditional, anything stating otherwise fictional.
You are the cause of all my problems, hint to it, subliminal.
Congrats you meet my expectations, now time to raise the bar, traditional.
Do what I tell you, when I tell you because, you want to do it.
Follow in my footsteps, correction take responsibility for your actions.
You can never be me, mathematical.
Everything I’ve done is for you, so pay up, transnational.
I swear when you get like this – you’re just like so and so !
In actuality, my reality gets closer to the truth the more I extract proof. Tie up anything loose, make a truce with feelings produced. Perception colored by mood, various shades of blue. No matter the stage one thing continuously range true. Hurt me first, then said I love you. Built a tower, left foundation crude. In life, at any moment everything you’ve worked for can come undo do. Explosive glue, damage sticks to you. Pieces turn dust. Natural tendency to lust for some trust. I feel stupid, gave everything only, to watch your smile, as you fell through. After the second time, I already knew, nothing to do.
Only you can change you.
Indulge my emotions and my needs, just to say leave me alone, I’m trying breathe. Given me nothing to complain about, that’s the dilemma. In this garden, pleasure is provided forever. Tweaked so specifically, no such thing as stormy weather. Sell your soul for treasures. Who cares about a piece of mind, lay here with the divine, all problems will be, fine. A home created with everything except you in mind. A bird in a cage still has the ability to fly. Horse on a chain can still run wild. Even if you’re unhappy a human face can still smile.
I stay, letting in hurt, I flirt with death. Self sabotage put the knife to my chest. Shame, humiliation to embarrassment. My peers refute impress. The freak likes it. We attack him next. Easy target, begets respect, nope. Hate instead. Displace him, never truly face him, power is felt not seen. Lost in a crowd, all of us must be trailed as fiends. Thanks to the pain, I see behind the scenes. Kept my eyes open, refused to miss anything. Truth be told, your scared and wish you could carry the world on your shoulder, alone. Just like me.