Tired of falling. Have yet to hit the ground. Back to reality, feet dragging this limp body around. Mentally I’m down, rotten flesh, rejected, splattered without a sound. Worst fear is to die with no one around. How does a king feel suffocated by zeal. Can you truly say the people around loved for-real. Forget the fact the mirror reflects your love back. A life lived with a broken neck, face towards the back. The smallest tree is still envied by the shrubs. Even if all the green in the forest is cut down to make a book with. Offense given, a fence risen, separated, closed off from the world at large. Sad to say, within this small bubble I’m in-charge. I died today and the funeral wasn’t large. Correction Sending out invites, is what I neglected. Piece of mind, laying here forever rested.
Contradiction my Ex. I’ll admit I stayed for the sex. More specifically to protect the idea of me. How stupid can I be, to let this person in. Physical fit due to mental gymnastics. Meet on occasions, personal split, trying to move forward, terrible at it. Remember all the fun times, yeah, that one time. Body, mind and soul sprung, treated like dung. Attention seek, unhealthily. Mamma told me, how you treat someone is a reflection of you. Hurt people, hurt people. Attacked everything around, called it blowing off steam. Stuck around, called it believing in the love that could be. Co-dependent flee. People pleasing or angry right out of sleep. Nothing is ever good enough or boundaries lost in the drama. Both parties, secret wish. Don’t abandon me.
A week later. Tempted to call her phone.
Slightly elevated, dreams, system regulated. The part of me that wants to love, patient, deflated. One poke is all it took, Swiss cheese the look. Your definition of pain too generalized to find in a book. Jump into an abyss, hold onto a fishing hook. If / when you find freedom – a string of faith is needed to pull you back up. The size of a bread crumb. Loaded onto a moving truck. Space to breathe, hard times, sneeze and bless it. When energy starts to do it’s own thing, hopefully my body can hold it down applying the pressure. Diamonds are forever. The easy way out is death, contemplating signing up for the lecture.
Ain’t running from shit, sitting in place. Kicked so hard my ass is now stuck spinning in place. Dropped into a wishing well, flesh and blood turn collateral. Looked up at the moon from a hole in the ground. End of the tunnel, cave light funnel. When will I be fit to leave this place, touch your face, take things at our pace.
So with the moon, I’ll make do. Listening to the night, it tells me to forget you. The sun lights the moon, so in truth I never really met you. Hunger sets in, look at what the future, now present you.
In this dream, the open sky is all yours.
As long as I stay down here.
Don’t pray for me. Just know, it’s not too late for me. Time moves in revere. Each new moment. It’s like history stole it. Should be happy but, face never shows it. I’ve been sick, took whatever I could from life to suppress it. Never would have guessed it, until I chose courage and flexed it. Stories from the past, won’t be told again. At least trapped here, I won’t grow old again. Sometimes, I wish I picked up a pen instead of a sword. The damage I had a hand in creating can’t be ignored.