A plethora of lethargy snuck in decrepitly. Took the reins of my thinking, got the best of me. Maybe conciseness is testing, lost cause, nesting. Heart open, unprotected. These thoughts aren’t mines. “Who’s” ? is the question. Refuse to separate my past from the present, no history is depressing. Repeat yourself, work against it. Chose a cause, defend it, come full circle, defend against it. Sip some tea, bite the leaf, human nature is to walk upright towards free. Those who don’t feel free, works towards segregation of wings from bodies. Shopping spree, everything half off. That means it’s suggested value never meant a damn thing.
What did you forget?
Remembered. Only after, you’ve forgotten again. Memories moving in a geometric flow. Patterns explode. And there “I” go. Trapped in a Time capsule. Buried when ? Only the memory knows, never shows. Left with only a couple of words. Whenever told, sounds absurd. ” I’ve felt this before”. Only just touched down on the moon. It was an onion that put me in this mood. Cut of the ends, reveal the circles within. Symmetry, remove the skin. Only just the slightest cut. Tears flowing into ducts. Road ahead is still a must. Cleanly Sliced into two, put the halves back together, stuck like glue. No one would have knew.
Remind me, my other half is missing, A third of me gone. Down to two. First things first stay well slept, if you decide to mess with a bitch, that’s mad, she ain’t a hoe. Please forget the particular people that don this cloak. Like to be mad the moment, they are woke. Range from anything to a joke, or out of turn, someone, spoke. They lucid dream onto the scene, do anything to break that, you’re the one being mean. So I’ll set myself up, enjoy the rush nothing better than a reason to commit treason. Attitude change like the seasons. Close attention feel it coming. Even in a dream you don’t have full control.
Lost in this onion scroll. Dicing now, regain self control. Onion only just a minute ago used to be whole. Meant as a joke, the moment it entered the premises, the future became history. The onions that, only just, died here ? Ain’t no list for me. Finish, use the next one, to remember when the last one was whole, complete. What a feat put life on metaphoric repeat. Cut off the ends, reveal the circles within, scan top to bottom, the smallest circle out of symmetry. Forget the day you lived life like a hamster, a bump hit my ball, causing me to fall out and see.
Blinded by the broken glass, couldn’t read the situation. Hoes get to you, no capacity for patients. Even for myself. Always feeling sick. Love to chase the get well. Suit of armor for anyone who wants to live life at a faster pace. Understanding death is one of these days. Get to the goal literal race, no face to face on the go. Got to run up besides and see only half the face. Thank goodness I run backwards fast with grace. Practice running from problems putting the future behind me. Focused on the past, although from this far away everything looks so tiny. That ball was more than a home, everything I knew.
Whatevers in the way, be it pain. Cut loose. Cut one Cut two. Dicing. Almost through. Onion all exposed, multiple faces. Who they really are ? Can’t seem to know. Whole lot of nothing and it shows. Yet still love me some cubes. So much to know. More cuts, more parts of myself to be exposed. Lets not get lost on the road, 13 more onions to go. Cutting my way up the food pyramid. I want me a wholesome girl. Yet still refuse to cut the shit.
We got problems. I admit.
Mental space a lot less occupied. Sorted out, rearranged, hard to explain. Thinking about keeping my chest up, is no longer the expression but, the method. To understand, this was never a premonition from a lack of faith decision. Even if I could see this far ahead, the road my life is on, has a lot of curves, in different directions. Walking too long in one direction, protection. My world is flat, thinly one-dimensional. Easier to jump from one dimension to the next. Sometimes shit be falling to pieces, before I have a chance to calmly walk away. Oh look, something new to worry about. Thoughts as I stomp my feet. Forcing the need to leave the presence of power in my wake. Always know, where to catch up to me with every break and shattering crack. I definitely wanted to be found.
The gingerbread man taught me to be proud about this. Run, Run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man. Didn’t want to admit I was playing games, say who I inspired to be instead. My game of hide and seek isn’t as fun when their isn’t a possibility of getting caught. Always throwing shade with a surplus around me. When it came to jumping. Always higher. Trying to jump a couple of worlds, break them in record time. A fake blink here and there. One deliberately slow. I want to blink, don’t need to in this moment. Hide from my eyes what you don’t want to see. The truth, standing and laughing in front of me. Loudly pointing a finger, so it’s unmistakable, you can’t handle me.
Losing focus every time you came around. Faith had faith, reality wasn’t for me. Fantasy. Where I, so-called “choose to be”. With out options, what’s a choice but, a self-conscious awareness that you have no control, here. We go, keeping our heads up, spine straight, eyes forward, focused, calmly speaking loud enough, shoulders down, smile a bit more, starting from a full frown, move slowly, never reveal too much of yourself. Competition shouldn’t know what cards you’re working with. Being you, without actually being you, a shadow of your former self. One that blends in, shadows cover everything. How dare my shadow go for a walk without me, matter of fact my body’s moving, dog on a leash my shadow walked me.
Took me to the park to play, hurrah, more limited freedom. At the park I could see them. People without a leash, relationship between partners are even. Mind and body as close to being one, like a bullet in a gun. Dangerous in the wrong hands. Glad to see real power will never come out and tell you, it’s powerful. Just kind feel it when you see it. Little did I know a shadow can never be in control. Willingly gave away my freedom, to beat them, be them. Look, I’m just like you. Went ahead still, said it because, people just weren’t feeling me. Strangest thing. For a tree to tell you, it’s a tree. Obvious answer, yes. We can see. Conclusion just be. Brave enough, to let my chest sink in when I’m not feeling confident. Let my shoulders rise to my ears when I’m scared. Open my eyes wide to see the truth.
Easier to explain now, clarity disparity.
Never careful, with what I wish for. Want it all, then more. How else can you be sure, you got what you’re worth. Not even a piece of mind, to relax my spine. Mommy told me “You deserve less “, Even though, I want only two. Be happy with what you got, honestly an excuse for when unsatisfied, everyone else is telling me what I’m worth. Crazy thing is. It’s not two for me. It’s one for me and one for you. There is a distinct difference between being selfish and achieving a desire, inspire, soar higher. A touchy subject making claims to things, people and places. Let’s stick to knowing what we want, inspire, require and the fulfillment it brings.
Never careful with what I wish for, what reason do I have to let myself be the body stopping me from letting my mornings sing. Tired of waking up, room shaded up. Son. I hope you’re listening. The only thing missing. Went outside, hand scooped some dirt. Carried it in my shirt, traveled through the rain, neighbors thought I was insane, made it up the stairs, now finally here. With this and some seeds, my room will smell like spring. Smell of rain, free air and mowned grass. Shit. Where’s the sun. Guess we’re not done. Poured water, without the shine it won’t be glistening. Cold goose bumps mid winter, chilling.
Now I need, to force a rotation, earth time dilation, for a season with more appreciation for my specific situation. All I did is want, what I want but, it came with a bunch of needs. A ladder to heaven. laid wait, pleasures to be sieged. A change of scene. Flowers to bloom in my room. Sunlight to wake up too.
An alarm clock.
Never careful, strictly harmful. How we unapologetically get in the way of others. What about them? Family, friends, children who have yet to spend a single second on this earth. Well. Now your turf, how I forced mother nature into a crater and pile on the dirt. The same way I’ll do anything for my flowers. Burning gasoline, dull rocks and sticks, a finger with a splinter prick. Wash with soap right after rubbing alcohol. All so when I wake up I can hear laughter in my head. What about them ?Do their dreams not matter. Do you think of anyone but, yourself ?
Viciously disregard emphatic feelings, to yourself these thoughts are treason. Why are you the one stopping you. Let another with a dream come in between.
Try and stop me.
Close my eyes and split a watermelon with a dull rock attached to a stick. Split on the inside. Mommy told me ” you deserve less”. Although I only wanted one. Never careful with what I wish for. Defining my worth, turf. Time will tell you, who and what stops you. When and how, it stops you too.
Lonely dreams to chase.
Please take my innocence, if that’s the requirement, to never worry about a penny spent. From my experience, time, energy and dedication simple doesn’t cut it. To get, I must first receive, So here I am with my forehead on the ground lower than my knees. Refusing to beg and pleased, therefore a pray. To the ones heaven-sent, fell down to earth just to steal from the penniless. Humanity forced into a false reality, nothing is more real than money.
Devils walk and stomp the earth. Sad to say it’s their turf. Within the artificial grass where I lurk. Those who came first, did, and did away with the dirt. Nothing could possibly grow here. Curse not being born first. Second child, only able to stand in close proximity to a smile. Even without ears, you can still hear. The sadness distilled by madness. Tragedy now a regular everyday occurrence.
Even better for you, if you don’t quite get the reference. Devils never walked the earth. Truthfully, just other people, like you and me. A vendetta to the moon and the stars, for they are constantly above them. Even I sometimes feel nothing should be above me. If I can’t have it, no one can, burn everything down, burn everything around. That way, it’s just me. A sole existence. Cremation to the sensation, artificial grass inhalation.
Surrounded on both sides, for even my hands don’t work for me anymore. To tired, when the day is done to do anything for myself. For this is the last day. Tomorrow I will get paid. Buy a bed, with some silk, smoother than milk for my head to lay. Malnourished only dreaming of better days. I want it all because, without it I feel so small.