Heaven Sent Still A Mess

Okay, we’re stressing, dodging hard questions. Challenges, my determination can’t mess with. Perfect the way I am, still reason to change appear, relentless. Slip, dodge, ignore, I’m on the defensive. To change is to admit an error in my way. Accept and take responsibility for pain. Grow through a walk of shame. my emotions are no animal to be tamed. Admit I’ve been a fool, trusted the wrong people, disrespected some of my equals. Just what exactly are you asking me to do. Lack luster proof, the personality we’ve built is just the beginning of what I’ll lose. Get it how I can, life got me running loose.
Okay, you definitely need to hear this. Undeniable is the feeling, through wins and lost, our strengths and weakness are revealed. No need to put yourself down. No one is born into greatness, you gotta make it. push further to get further. Put down the self-imposed weight. We gotta chase. A played in the game but, it’s thanks to the different ingredients the sauce has any taste. We can always get better. Only if you decide to not let potential go to waste.

I’m Actually Pretty Amazing

Rock bottom was a step up to me. Just like my left nut to my right. Treated no different than dirt. Misery is happy while being stepped. No concept of “staying in my place”, or of shackles and being a slave. This was my lot in life. Be the best dirt you can be, don’t disgrace. To the farmers who plant the seed, grass grow, much greener through me. Cows graze. Even without four stomachs, they’ll chew, and regurgitate, happily. Golden milk lactate, shipped and sold. High prices paid, no barter or debate. For years, this was fate, common place, contemplate, life wasn’t horrible, life wasn’t great. Fruit of labor stolen in front your face. Uncontested

Can’t tell it was a shady deal, unless one educates, the mechanisms society lifted up and dropped in place. Right on top of me, too much weight to stand up and topple see. In hindsight, now I know why I stayed quiet properly. Simple economics, the top of the totem pole was never the spot for me. When you try to advance be sure to look out for the opposition. They need you there. Keep the structure enact is the mission. At least one where they talk and choose to listen. Used since birth for all your worth. Discarded, call that pimping. Who I was and the possibilities of my capabilities, grew a distance. To whom does one listen, The voice that calls you dirt or the stars the glisten. Mountains out of mole hills. Molded myself out of dirt. Now finally closing the distance.

Leave Your Ex Alone

Contradiction my Ex. I’ll admit I stayed for the sex. More specifically to protect the idea of me. How stupid can I be, to let this person in. Physical fit due to mental gymnastics. Meet on occasions, personal split, trying to move forward, terrible at it. Remember all the fun times, yeah, that one time. Body, mind and soul sprung, treated like dung. Attention seek, unhealthily. Mamma told me, how you treat someone is a reflection of you. Hurt people, hurt people. Attacked everything around, called it blowing off steam. Stuck around, called it believing in the love that could be. Co-dependent flee. People pleasing or angry right out of sleep. Nothing is ever good enough or boundaries lost in the drama. Both parties, secret wish. Don’t abandon me.

A week later. Tempted to call her phone.

Black Sheep Of The Family

Here, take this, I want you to have it.
You don’t like it ?
Ungrateful little bastard.
Thanks to me you live and you eat. Appreciate and obey me, I am your master.
Love is conditional, anything stating otherwise fictional.
You are the cause of all my problems, hint to it, subliminal.
Congrats you meet my expectations, now time to raise the bar, traditional.
Do what I tell you, when I tell you because, you want to do it.
Irritable.
Follow in my footsteps, correction take responsibility for your actions.
You can never be me, mathematical.
Everything I’ve done is for you, so pay up, transnational.
I swear when you get like this – you’re just like so and so !

Enough With The Chatter

Slightly elevated, dreams, system regulated. The part of me that wants to love, patient, deflated. One poke is all it took, Swiss cheese the look. Your definition of pain too generalized to find in a book. Jump into an abyss, hold onto a fishing hook. If / when you find freedom – a string of faith is needed to pull you back up. The size of a bread crumb. Loaded onto a moving truck. Space to breathe, hard times, sneeze and bless it. When energy starts to do it’s own thing, hopefully my body can hold it down applying the pressure. Diamonds are forever. The easy way out is death, contemplating signing up for the lecture.