Tired of falling. Have yet to hit the ground. Back to reality, feet dragging this limp body around. Mentally I’m down, rotten flesh, rejected, splattered without a sound. Worst fear is to die with no one around. How does a king feel suffocated by zeal. Can you truly say the people around loved for-real. Forget the fact the mirror reflects your love back. A life lived with a broken neck, face towards the back. The smallest tree is still envied by the shrubs. Even if all the green in the forest is cut down to make a book with. Offense given, a fence risen, separated, closed off from the world at large. Sad to say, within this small bubble I’m in-charge. I died today and the funeral wasn’t large. Correction Sending out invites, is what I neglected. Piece of mind, laying here forever rested.
Can you smell. Fresh sent.
Paper cut. How can such a thin sheet of paper make me bleed so much. Red is the feeling. Realization of once was. Now literally pouring out of me. Will never be the same. Life reaped out before the blood had a chance to touch the floor. Splattered mercilessly on the ground. Truth concealed, false reality. I’m only human. More specific only one person. Not an immortal god, never had the juice. Red stains hindsight proof, lack of will power towards walking forward into an abyss. My sanity ain’t ready for this. Nostalgia had me. Caught up in a memory distracting from the sting. Focused on the inside, blood flows through my veins right. If all of it came out. I’ll die won’t I ? Constantly thinking about death now.
History flashes before my eyes. Time a wall never to be touch but to jump back in time and forget all is a must. Remember, memories , take center stage, this can’t be real it’s a play. Curtains opened up to show me. Looking back the actors were bad, matter of fact if this is pulled directly from life. It’s looking kinda sad. Emotions and intentions don’t line up correctly. She smiling but from this third point of view I can tell she trying to hurt me. Although I’m smiling, all I see is a lost little boy. Tired and lonely. These are supposed to be highlights in my life. I was certain. Shit more pain. The cut opened up and worsen. Should be indestructible, only dealing with matter of “fact’. I was certain. Why all the extras and actors in the back row look like snakes lurking. Almost like with every new experience or piece of information. I see through more and more bullshit. While loosing patience.
Their I go again taking actions, clearly shady. Not as good as I make myself out to be. A fallen star landed and almost killed me. That makes it mines now. Mad that it shot back up and left me. Took it out on the nearest beautiful scenery. Left it ugly. The play continued. The pain traveled up my arm and just went loose. No Love could be found anywhere. One evil villain right after another entered to scheme and left to continue on with their dream. My Whole life, nothing was what it seemed. Burning question, what does it all mean.
Us versus them. We three are two high to be fighting down in the mud.
Lower you go, events turn trauma dig down and take root in your soul. Don’t believe in souls than If you wake up in the morning and say “Damn, where did the time go”. Chasing youth is how to define old. Looking back finding it hard to figure out, what you did or the facts. Dismissive action turn loose falling skin. Don’t matter, rich on the outside and or hideous within. This is where the second pair of teeth come in. Umbilical cord ripped off early, leaves mind and body weak, better know as pre-mature. Causal winds made weak bones squeak. Mother rushed out the hospital to work, bill to pay next week. Stomach growled for the love of a feast.
Started off in the negative, before I even had my actually set of teeth. Fend for myself ? Where is this power of which you speak. Some adults spend their whole life trying to make a 180 and put one point on the board before death speaks. Us versus them. Most people start off as one, basically against a whole species. Conflicts in history deep seeded. Human life mistreated, the morning will be different if last night you had trouble breathing. Found out my mother’s, mother went through the same troubles while teething. False dreams and hopes rejected. Harshness prerequisite of hostility. Life around us. Couldn’t believe it.
Well versed with death before age of four. Constantly struggle with how to get my weight up. Down for so long, my cloud nine was the embodiment of misery. They say a small bit of poison over time, will help get over the taste. Down that shit impatiently. Hungry to feel something other than pity for me. Satisfied with the lost of vision in my eyes, navigated the whole world differently. I don’t care if you see me, are you feeling me. Ever since then, been hungry for that feeling again. So I eat everything, second pair of teeth in my stomach, although it doesn’t talk. It’s my closest friend.
Two smiles. Body and Mind, perfect physique.