Crystal Clear Blood

Floating_2

Can you smell. Fresh sent.

Paper cut. How can such a thin sheet of paper make me bleed so much. Red is the feeling. Realization of once was. Now literally pouring out of me. Will never be the same. Life reaped out before the blood had a chance to touch the floor. Splattered mercilessly on the ground. Truth concealed, false reality. I’m only human. More specific only one person. Not an immortal god, never had the juice. Red stains hindsight proof, lack of will power towards walking forward into an abyss. My sanity ain’t ready for this. Nostalgia had me. Caught up in a memory distracting from the sting. Focused on the inside, blood flows through my veins right. If all of it came out. I’ll die won’t I ? Constantly thinking about death now.

Don’t I,

History flashes before my eyes. Time a wall never to be touch but to jump back in time and forget all is a must. Remember, memories , take center stage, this can’t be real it’s a play. Curtains opened up to show me. Looking back the actors were bad, matter of fact if this is pulled directly from life. It’s looking kinda sad. Emotions and intentions don’t line up correctly. She smiling but from this third point of view I can tell she trying to hurt me. Although I’m smiling, all I see is a lost little boy. Tired and lonely. These are supposed to be highlights in my life. I was certain. Shit more pain. The cut opened up and worsen. Should be indestructible, only dealing with matter of “fact’. I was certain. Why all the extras and actors in the back row look like snakes lurking. Almost like with every new experience or piece of information. I see through more and more bullshit. While loosing patience.

Their I go again taking actions, clearly shady. Not as good as I make myself out to be. A fallen star landed and almost killed me. That makes it mines now. Mad that it shot back up and left me. Took it out on the nearest beautiful scenery. Left it ugly. The play continued. The pain traveled up my arm and just went loose. No Love could be found anywhere. One evil villain right after another entered to scheme and left to continue on with their dream. My Whole life, nothing was what it seemed. Burning question, what does it all mean.

Fire On The Bathroom Curtains

How could this happen, The light popped. Sparked the whole thing.

Pitch black shadows rage about. A fire exist. As long as there is fire. There is something to burn. Smoke so heavy it falls down, thick fog of ash stuck to the floor. Mosquito bite bruises on my legs caused me to remember. Nostalgia for days when the bathroom light wasn’t so bright. A yellow hue. One closer to you my sun. Blocked by memories of how it all ended before it began. Only natural, vivid sensations, could almost take a bite out of the texture. Turn psychological problems for my splendor.

Just trying to bite into something a little less bitter. Pain became part of the solution. The ground won’t hurt while I uproot this parsley. They say vegetable are good for you. making up an analogy to explain why. Eating only slightly boiled broccoli, just going to assume if I’m eating and it hurts I’m doing something wrong. Any agitation, look towards, as if it was a location. First key patience, usually eat food easy to chew, had fun with food, humming a tune. With this right here, that’s what’s not to do. Slow chew, serious food. Realized there is no need to really dig in my tooth, Gotta grind the treasure loose.

No excuse, taste bud shocked, spoiled kid, tried to puke. Willing waste time, won’t get rid of the loot. Closed eyes follow through. Remember we are only eating broccoli. Breakfast before dinner, right after, the end of the world. Covered my feet. Rushed to the window. Opened, Fresh air rode in on the wind. Turn the pipes on right after I clogged the drain. Shower curtain embers, falling on the carpet. Paper towels catch the heat like a mosh pit.

Launch water from the sink. Honestly, situation was done in a blink. Always remind by the soot rink around shit. Actually mad. Shouldn’t have brought that light into my house in the first place. Damn shame. Not knowing the future is to blame. Got this blue sterile light on for a couple of seconds a day. Afraid the wiring might misbehave.

Forever A stone

The ground is my home. Personality a stone, safe to say you can find me everywhere without looking. To the abundant pointlessness of it all. Blinded by a dream. little more than a scheme, plot the essence of life, see why mother nature said it’s not meant for me. I was born by being chipped of the rock that helps keeps you stuck next to a hard place. Unfortunate events, or karma coming to collect. Debt to my intellect, didn’t take up offend. A tiny pebble verse the world. A little rough around the edges searching for meaning. Wasn’t in control of my fate, so nature’s law, move or hold me in place.

Next to the rock. Stuck in one spot is where I continued. Shaded by what should and could have been you. New experiences past due, sold on the idea of rain that move side ways. Tired of my lot it life, breaking down, trying to have it my way. This all has to be for something. Stars never align on the night of a blue moon. A piece of me snapped and left back, no time to think, wind got me on the move. Question the terrain I travel through. Boulders bigger than me that can’t move. Every new choice in life, hit with “what should I do”. Continued to move. Edges continued to smooth. Rolled through grass, dirt, mountain turf, mud was the worst. The feeling lurked, Still know nothing about this earth.

Grass a gift and a curse, roll through easy a present from the gods. Get lost, freedom is what robbed you. Blades of green, a door to be opened, only to find several more. Hard to yes to one thing and say no to many, many more. Dirt kinda hurt. When I rolled, it rolled me. Matched pressured, chipped off tiny pieces. The longer I stayed the more ready I would be for fate. Constantly move at a steady pace. Yet with every grind, tiny hill that took me high. The parts I lost, made me harder to recognize. Reach the end and lose myself. Won’t do that or compromise.

Mountains I went up only to go back down. Got used to the feeling of controlling my elevation. Mud like a slug slow dragging everything down. Guilt didn’t make it better, lets call it constant rain on a parade. Without it though. Won’t have realized even a plant has the chance to grow in the shade.

At shore. I was sure. Life has much more in-store. Pebble on the waves or bottom of the ocean.

Flight Fatigue

Solid ground first and foremost. Each footstep a reminder of who paved the way. Never seen my own footsteps in front of me. Even when I’ve come full circle, its hard to say. Attention to the minor details I never pay. Association with obsession a price, a fingerprint might cost. Searching to find better days, lost in a lot of nothing. Hopefully still on the way. Leave covered trees, plants growing from no seeds, light helps to only grow the stubborn weeds. To the terror I must speak, showing you puts me out in the open. Closed door, dare peep. Animals roam out here, more than sheep. Mush the ground, crisp the air.

In this game, nothing is really what it seems.

Trapped By Words

Listen, a necessity for those that want to be heard.

Your thought process can follow the pattern of spoken word. A little bit of you in everything you do. Wake up in the morning, brush your teeth before you eat food. Shower before you go outside for a run. Start off fresh, followed up by a mess. Anything you do someone might suspect. That sounds just like him, call the guards and the watchdogs, lets teach him some respect. Social interactions , a whole life to protect. Sharp while I digress. Least suspect, anyone. Open a brain, pick it like a multiple choice test.  Who I am, continually left open-ended. Life experience will be changed by a couple of sentences. Story, once left up to you, turned coloring book. Enemies make due.

Really flipped the script, turn events sadistic with a couple of words falling off your lips. Thought we we’re in this together but, you’ve never seen a sinking ship. Full speed ahead under-board. Death in cold water UN-insured. Death by jealous probability forever more. Survivors guilty sets in while you’re still trying to survive. Watch how feelings and precious moments take a nose drive into cold ice. You can do nothing, avert eyes. Water, grab on tight. More than possible, to carry escaping mayhem. Bed frame, rusted paint, hits, almost faints. Used to be held up by all this weight. Defeat can’t be smelt nose are clogged. End of the story, me drowning like a log. Turn fog. Jump, craving the victory you’ve been missing.

How to guide, turn survivor edition. Eye of the storm, false bliss. Traveling through last stretch puff up chest. At times like this. Remembering all issues, opportunities seldom benefits.  Bubble floating up, lost of breath. Clothes, heavy, constricting. Midnight blue into a darker hue. Swept. Since before dismay, chaos or disarray view of the world never been the same. Penny for my thoughts, told mom to keep the change. Uncharted path I’m on can’t be explain. Solid ground, oasis of happiness to be found. Here I can’t drown. Swim when death makes a sound. The ship is completely under. Life is being suffocated. Light beams in through the surface. Making sure to highlight tragedy. Too many shades of blue to count. Think of a way to make it out.

Paddle in, kick out. Movement of a body unable to run. In doubt. Growing up, the worst was a rain cloud. Pressure from all around. Imagine 360 degree storm cloud. Moving forward when it’s complete dark around. Unconscious of up or down. Lack of feeling compounds. What am I searching for. Not a child here to explore, just searching for more, for warmth. Despite the 180 done in the face of death. Mistakes only time can stress. Hope to make it out, feeling shorten of breath.