Tired of falling. Have yet to hit the ground. Back to reality, feet dragging this limp body around. Mentally I’m down, rotten flesh, rejected, splattered without a sound. Worst fear is to die with no one around. How does a king feel suffocated by zeal. Can you truly say the people around loved for-real. Forget the fact the mirror reflects your love back. A life lived with a broken neck, face towards the back. The smallest tree is still envied by the shrubs. Even if all the green in the forest is cut down to make a book with. Offense given, a fence risen, separated, closed off from the world at large. Sad to say, within this small bubble I’m in-charge. I died today and the funeral wasn’t large. Correction Sending out invites, is what I neglected. Piece of mind, laying here forever rested.
Frantically played unaware.
Unclear how unfairly I sought Justification. I knew It was wrong but, I would find a reason to do my dirt before long. Falsehood idealization. Lies repeated verbatim. I’m a good person, people made me do it. Honestly I had a lot of patience. Prerequisite to greatness. Standing in front the mirror only to look past myself. Flagrant, shameless. War against the truth waged.
Blinded by flames, set everything ablaze. Buy enough time to get truth seekers off my trail. Leave enough evidence to raise my bail. Natural life sentence on jail. Held secrets in a bucket pale. Water pure enough to cure any ail. Funny how we keep the facts at arms reach. Faker than dandruff posing as a snowflake. Purposely pour out the water when confronted. Greedily collected when successfully deflected. Hatred weaponized, turn poisonous disrespect.
” Look what you made me do.”
” I already knew. ”
Religiously play difficult, caused too much trouble to hide from my past. Imagine if I took responsibility for the destruction of my own wealth. So, I run. Through the heat, through the flames. Letting the fire burn. Bucket pale, may you one day cease to be infinitely chained. Until I stop turning tail. Nothing will change.
Pencil point already broken, line twice read. Discarded dread. Pride on the line, tied tight, half breed. A part of me dead. Steady shaking, laying, praying. Holding unto myself, heat in between cultivating. Never truly got a clue what I’m saying until, I look back. Taste my own medicine. Feel. Ego killed, who am I for real ?
Me, the devil, making deals, no appeals. Decisions made. A couple seconds of second guessing, mind pressed, ultimately stressed, yet still, did my dirt. Phony replaced my shirt. Fake smile proxy, I lurked. Flirt with a false image of myself put the real me on a shelf, dust collect, what else. Claim a symbol, self love protection.
What is one to do when fate makes a joke of you. Whom to send the angry letter to. Only one who reads it, ends up being you.
Events out of your control, pokes and leaves holes. Emotions spilled on folded clothes. Nice presentation but soaked. Pressing buttons, hit one right between the ribs, retract, off with some flesh. Cannibals take dibs. Lies told no better than fibs. No one gives.
A lot of taking, no breaks, lost plates, stolen. Going to be late for my date. No excuses made, makes up for lost time, bad habit straighten my spine, look alive, food should never be cold. Old. No. Please a little bit more. Past the eye of the storm, swimming towards violent shores,unprepared for what’s in store. Money, short, not enough body weight or tattoos to explore. Did everything I could, even asked for more. Letting go tour. That’s one, two, three not four. Stay by the end of the cliff, ready to dive, death not a detour. My favorite main course. Survivor’s guilt. Take out the remorse, I’m all that I’m left with.
Why do I live, Why do I suffer.
Please wisdom let me choose a reason. Hitch my hopes onto this wild west horse, something to believe in. Kept the door close, didn’t let the breeze in, the dank smell in here ain’t leaving, oozing, nose squeezing. Precondition to lateness.
I’ll never catch the early bird worm. Vultures cry, circling over heights, ready to retrieve it. With dedication to steal like that, how can I beat it. Defeated, never out, clung to the ropes, bounce back into a right hook. Pain no joke. Suddenly the clouds opened up and the sun shine spoke.
Rise, Rise, Grow.
Two left jabs I throw. Right hook break or take off their nose. Last hit an upper cut. May they forever lay woke.
Laying the Ground work in a moment.
Remember a time you’ve been in a hurry. Waking up, changing clothes. Behind, door closed, Flag down a car, reach the city end. Caught the boat. Next stop coach, bus down the highway. Plugged in phone, charged 100%. Everything continue smoothly. Time go my way. Onward towards destination, we go. Any minute today.
I’m here, doing construction. The way still isn’t paved. Once you reach here. Force break, notice from me and my team. Still going to miss the plane flight. Take a seat seat, is a lot at stake ? The cement mix is doing fine. Coming along it’s way. Been at this for a while. Cement and I need, not stare at each other, we just hear, listen to what the other has too say.
” Mix me some more, Not quite ready to be paved with “
Like a stop sign preventing you from crossing the street. Made by design. Read the situation and weep. You simple ain’t coach busing across this street.
RELAX INTO DEFEAT.