Stood Waiting Too Long

Stood

Left there standing

Rained a bit earlier, ground still wet, smell still fresh. Weather didn’t even get in the way.  Lots of shade on sunny cloudy days. Imagine if all your hair up and flew away. Caught in hand but, slipped through fingers anyways. Full sentences derived from what to say. Still won’t say a bit. Complaining as a personality trait just doesn’t fit. Puzzle piece from another game, found lost in this. Life style. Forced abs to be ripped. Vain to branch out greatly. Pain in feet, make me stagger, maybe. I’ve been thinking different lately. The puzzle is almost complete. Image being put together leaves me more confused than happy its complete. Upside down or turn around. Pieces like memories needing to be moved. One in hand, seems it will fit here a little loose. What is one to do. Wait here a bit longer. See what becomes of you.

Crystal Clear Blood

Floating_2

Can you smell. Fresh sent.

Paper cut. How can such a thin sheet of paper make me bleed so much. Red is the feeling. Realization of once was. Now literally pouring out of me. Will never be the same. Life reaped out before the blood had a chance to touch the floor. Splattered mercilessly on the ground. Truth concealed, false reality. I’m only human. More specific only one person. Not an immortal god, never had the juice. Red stains hindsight proof, lack of will power towards walking forward into an abyss. My sanity ain’t ready for this. Nostalgia had me. Caught up in a memory distracting from the sting. Focused on the inside, blood flows through my veins right. If all of it came out. I’ll die won’t I ? Constantly thinking about death now.

Don’t I,

History flashes before my eyes. Time a wall never to be touch but to jump back in time and forget all is a must. Remember, memories , take center stage, this can’t be real it’s a play. Curtains opened up to show me. Looking back the actors were bad, matter of fact if this is pulled directly from life. It’s looking kinda sad. Emotions and intentions don’t line up correctly. She smiling but from this third point of view I can tell she trying to hurt me. Although I’m smiling, all I see is a lost little boy. Tired and lonely. These are supposed to be highlights in my life. I was certain. Shit more pain. The cut opened up and worsen. Should be indestructible, only dealing with matter of “fact’. I was certain. Why all the extras and actors in the back row look like snakes lurking. Almost like with every new experience or piece of information. I see through more and more bullshit. While loosing patience.

Their I go again taking actions, clearly shady. Not as good as I make myself out to be. A fallen star landed and almost killed me. That makes it mines now. Mad that it shot back up and left me. Took it out on the nearest beautiful scenery. Left it ugly. The play continued. The pain traveled up my arm and just went loose. No Love could be found anywhere. One evil villain right after another entered to scheme and left to continue on with their dream. My Whole life, nothing was what it seemed. Burning question, what does it all mean.

Second Pair Of Teeth in my Navel

Us versus them. We three are two high to be fighting down in the mud.

Lower you go, events turn trauma dig down and take root in your soul. Don’t believe in souls than If you wake up in the morning and say “Damn, where did the time go”. Chasing youth is how to define old. Looking back finding it hard to figure out, what you did or the facts. Dismissive action turn loose falling skin. Don’t matter, rich on the outside and or hideous within. This is where the second pair of teeth come in. Umbilical cord ripped off early, leaves mind and body weak, better know as pre-mature. Causal winds made weak bones squeak. Mother rushed out the hospital to work, bill to pay next week. Stomach growled for the love of a feast.

Started off in the negative, before I even had my actually set of teeth. Fend for myself ? Where is this power of which you speak. Some adults spend their whole life trying to make a 180 and put one point on the board before death speaks. Us versus them. Most people start off as one, basically against a whole species. Conflicts in history deep seeded. Human life mistreated, the morning will be different if last night you had trouble breathing. Found out my mother’s, mother went through the same troubles while teething. False dreams and hopes rejected. Harshness prerequisite of hostility. Life around us. Couldn’t believe it.

Well versed with death before age of four. Constantly struggle with how to get my weight up. Down for so long, my cloud nine was the embodiment of misery. They say a small bit of poison over time, will help get over the taste. Down that shit impatiently. Hungry to feel something other than pity for me. Satisfied with the lost of vision in my eyes, navigated the whole world differently. I don’t care if you see me, are you feeling me. Ever since then, been hungry for that feeling again. So I eat everything, second pair of teeth in my stomach, although it doesn’t talk. It’s my closest friend.

Two smiles. Body and Mind, perfect physique.

 

Clever Savagery

Take a full step back and picture yourself. On that picture, imagine me.

Nameless and faceless. As blank as a canvas can be. Use these words as outlines and color them, however you want them to be. Needless to say. This experience is now yours. It will follow you, one day you might need it, for sure ?

If outlines, sudden picture, confine spaces. Braces this, keep turning the pages. For sure, a blank page, all for you at the end. Method to chase this, read into the first pages. When did the moment sparking the situation being. The letters “cur” jumping to conclusions, all I thought of was “curse ” already negative. Feelings towards this book disperse. Things did get a little better when I, actually say the word “curator “. Apologizes owed. Mistake softly spoken or loudly told. Magic between the two, watch and see the difference. Smoke and mirrors targeted towards my fears and pleasures. Red already in hand so many fire hydrants and trucks here. Next page, crowd of people not an Afro insight. No color choice free from a heavy suggestion. Table of content or association questions.

Forget it, no regressing. Steady turn the pages forwards. Learning new lessons. Waiting for the time when I can use the colors I want to use. Express a simple mood. Sad to say when given the book, it’s a loose, loose.Retain this information, no excuse. Structures put in place making it harder to move. Color, outside the lines ? there is no room. The picture one imagines for themselves. Doom. Till Vroom. Stick through it, stay extra aware when you,” just do it”.

keeping track of the methods and designs. Read in between the lines. Soon to be a clearer more vibrant picture. Unmistakable to many, proof got plenty. Little left up to second guessing. Neon red bricks, It’s usually red. Wanting, the knowledge of knowing to be all over the rest of the book prevalent. Rarely used, fear kept up at night focused. Pleasure more often than not, denied. Bumps on the way, followed the plot to this spot. Second to final page of the book.

What did you learn ? What did you see ? After seeing the occupations in this coloring book, what would you like to be ?

Well gee. Someone who follows rules and directions, moves with precision and adds the right colors where they need be. A simple life, with a passive experience. That’s the one please. On the last page, I drew things never seen. Colored them nicely. This experience is mines now, the book nostalgic memories. No longer for me.

Out In The Open

Anything that leaves me hollow, satisfied and complacent.

misguidedly pour my faith in. Tried to replace it. Time, energy, effort, always in use. Never wasted. Resourceful, hard to forget like a fragrance. Placebo pill couldn’t really taste this. Whole lot of positivity enclosing some hate shit. Out in the open, the body belongs to the mercy of the people around you. Use or be used a choose that hangs over everyone since before birth. Use anyone who used me in a desperate attempt to keep my soul. Out in the open I must tread.