Waking Up Tired Still

Why do I live, Why do I suffer.

Please wisdom let me choose a reason. Hitch my hopes onto this wild west horse, something to believe in. Kept the door close, didn’t let the breeze in, the dank smell in here ain’t leaving, oozing, nose squeezing. Precondition to lateness.

I’ll never catch the early bird worm. Vultures cry, circling over heights, ready to retrieve it. With dedication to steal like that, how can I beat it. Defeated, never out, clung to the ropes, bounce back into a right hook. Pain no joke. Suddenly the clouds opened up and the sun shine spoke.

Rise, Rise, Grow.
Two left jabs I throw. Right hook break or take off their nose. Last hit an upper cut. May they forever lay woke.

Second Pair Of Teeth in my Navel

Us versus them. We three are two high to be fighting down in the mud.

Lower you go, events turn trauma dig down and take root in your soul. Don’t believe in souls than If you wake up in the morning and say “Damn, where did the time go”. Chasing youth is how to define old. Looking back finding it hard to figure out, what you did or the facts. Dismissive action turn loose falling skin. Don’t matter, rich on the outside and or hideous within. This is where the second pair of teeth come in. Umbilical cord ripped off early, leaves mind and body weak, better know as pre-mature. Causal winds made weak bones squeak. Mother rushed out the hospital to work, bill to pay next week. Stomach growled for the love of a feast.

Started off in the negative, before I even had my actually set of teeth. Fend for myself ? Where is this power of which you speak. Some adults spend their whole life trying to make a 180 and put one point on the board before death speaks. Us versus them. Most people start off as one, basically against a whole species. Conflicts in history deep seeded. Human life mistreated, the morning will be different if last night you had trouble breathing. Found out my mother’s, mother went through the same troubles while teething. False dreams and hopes rejected. Harshness prerequisite of hostility. Life around us. Couldn’t believe it.

Well versed with death before age of four. Constantly struggle with how to get my weight up. Down for so long, my cloud nine was the embodiment of misery. They say a small bit of poison over time, will help get over the taste. Down that shit impatiently. Hungry to feel something other than pity for me. Satisfied with the lost of vision in my eyes, navigated the whole world differently. I don’t care if you see me, are you feeling me. Ever since then, been hungry for that feeling again. So I eat everything, second pair of teeth in my stomach, although it doesn’t talk. It’s my closest friend.

Two smiles. Body and Mind, perfect physique.

 

Out In The Open

Anything that leaves me hollow, satisfied and complacent.

misguidedly pour my faith in. Tried to replace it. Time, energy, effort, always in use. Never wasted. Resourceful, hard to forget like a fragrance. Placebo pill couldn’t really taste this. Whole lot of positivity enclosing some hate shit. Out in the open, the body belongs to the mercy of the people around you. Use or be used a choose that hangs over everyone since before birth. Use anyone who used me in a desperate attempt to keep my soul. Out in the open I must tread.

Bitches, hoes, Money and Woes

What did you forget?

Remembered. Only after, you’ve forgotten again. Memories moving in a geometric flow. Patterns explode. And there “I” go. Trapped in a Time capsule. Buried when ? Only the memory knows, never shows. Left with only a couple of words. Whenever told, sounds absurd. ” I’ve felt this before”. Only just touched down on the moon. It was an onion that put me in this mood. Cut of the ends, reveal the circles within. Symmetry, remove the skin. Only just the slightest cut. Tears flowing into ducts. Road ahead is still a must. Cleanly Sliced into two, put the halves back together, stuck like glue. No one would have knew.

Remind me, my other half is missing, A third of me gone. Down to two. First things first stay well slept, if you decide to mess with a bitch, that’s mad, she ain’t a hoe. Please forget the particular people that don this cloak. Like to be mad the moment, they are woke. Range from anything to a joke, or out of turn, someone, spoke. They lucid dream onto the scene, do anything to break that, you’re the one being mean. So I’ll set myself up, enjoy the rush nothing better than a reason to commit treason. Attitude change like the seasons. Close attention feel it coming. Even in a dream you don’t have full control.

Lost in this onion scroll. Dicing now, regain self control. Onion only just a minute ago used to be whole. Meant as a joke, the moment it entered the premises, the future became history. The onions that, only just, died here ? Ain’t no list for me. Finish, use the next one, to remember when the last one was whole, complete. What a feat put life on metaphoric repeat. Cut off the ends, reveal the circles within, scan top to bottom, the smallest circle out of symmetry. Forget the day you lived life like a hamster, a bump hit my ball, causing me to fall out and see.

Blinded by the broken glass, couldn’t read the situation. Hoes get to you, no capacity for patients. Even for myself. Always feeling sick. Love to chase the get well. Suit of armor for anyone who wants to live life at a faster pace. Understanding death is one of these days. Get to the goal literal race, no face to face on the go. Got to run up besides and see only half the face. Thank goodness I run backwards fast with grace. Practice running from problems putting the future behind me. Focused on the past, although from this far away everything looks so tiny. That ball was more than a home, everything I knew.

Whatevers in the way, be it pain. Cut loose. Cut one Cut two. Dicing. Almost through. Onion all exposed, multiple faces. Who they really are ? Can’t seem to know. Whole lot of nothing and it shows. Yet still love me some cubes. So much to know. More cuts, more parts of myself to be exposed. Lets not get lost on the road, 13 more onions to go. Cutting my way up the food pyramid. I want me a wholesome girl. Yet still refuse to cut the shit.

We got problems. I admit.

Appetizers for lunch

This whole thing is not good enough. Honest with myself, yet never true enough. I hide while you decide, only natural when we face life stuck on pride. I’m ashamed of nothing, we weren’t always ride or die. Throw a rock and hide. You never really put your differences aside, to work together. We need. Compromise with some lies. In the moment is fine,  sadly I knew this duct taped heart-break would come undo in due time. You read between the lines and I just read them. Still won’t blame you for, our actions towards other people.

Only when we miss treat them. Leave them and deceive them. You worked hard on shining this armor. I too become pissed off hen I see chinks in it. Attacks come from everywhere, blind side, the distance. Go on the chase mile ran, more like ate. Main course the shooter, on a plate, wait how is the sniper smaller in person. Now this where I start cursing. All this energy, time and effort spent for what and you still gotta fix the armor. Reacting never adapting.

Trapping never relaxing. We got some rules to set a future to protect. Life will have a shit storm and leave you to clean up the mess. If we do this we do it for the best. We don’t have time to regress. Simply can’t , make progress being satisfied with what you achieved. Happiness is a fun chase, I believe. Catch and release, hide and go seek, Speak and believe. Two faced is no longer what we shall be. Only state a claim once we both agree. I won’t lie to you saying “no, I agree to this”. Overpower guilty pleasure, secret measure. Appetizers for the soul written into letters.