Tired of falling. Have yet to hit the ground. Back to reality, feet dragging this limp body around. Mentally I’m down, rotten flesh, rejected, splattered without a sound. Worst fear is to die with no one around. How does a king feel suffocated by zeal. Can you truly say the people around loved for-real. Forget the fact the mirror reflects your love back. A life lived with a broken neck, face towards the back. The smallest tree is still envied by the shrubs. Even if all the green in the forest is cut down to make a book with. Offense given, a fence risen, separated, closed off from the world at large. Sad to say, within this small bubble I’m in-charge. I died today and the funeral wasn’t large. Correction Sending out invites, is what I neglected. Piece of mind, laying here forever rested.
Contradiction my Ex. I’ll admit I stayed for the sex. More specifically to protect the idea of me. How stupid can I be, to let this person in. Physical fit due to mental gymnastics. Meet on occasions, personal split, trying to move forward, terrible at it. Remember all the fun times, yeah, that one time. Body, mind and soul sprung, treated like dung. Attention seek, unhealthily. Mamma told me, how you treat someone is a reflection of you. Hurt people, hurt people. Attacked everything around, called it blowing off steam. Stuck around, called it believing in the love that could be. Co-dependent flee. People pleasing or angry right out of sleep. Nothing is ever good enough or boundaries lost in the drama. Both parties, secret wish. Don’t abandon me.
A week later. Tempted to call her phone.
Who do you want to be. I might just fuck around and actually say it. Put down my guard and seize. Look inside myself and believe, feel relieved. Call me conceited but, “Greatest in the world” is a title meant for me. Now, from today, every person I met has a lesson to teach, new goals for me to reach. Events in life, destiny preach. Latch on, gaze into what I seek, discover, redefine the mystique. All my mistakes, keep away from bleach. Underdog is my bacholer’s degree. Swim to the horizon’s peak. Give others a head start and still win with ease. From today, how I feel inside, free, cup overflown with pride. Tell no lie, heart of a lion, forever young. Never Die.
Slightly elevated, dreams, system regulated. The part of me that wants to love, patient, deflated. One poke is all it took, Swiss cheese the look. Your definition of pain too generalized to find in a book. Jump into an abyss, hold onto a fishing hook. If / when you find freedom – a string of faith is needed to pull you back up. The size of a bread crumb. Loaded onto a moving truck. Space to breathe, hard times, sneeze and bless it. When energy starts to do it’s own thing, hopefully my body can hold it down applying the pressure. Diamonds are forever. The easy way out is death, contemplating signing up for the lecture.
In actuality, my reality gets closer to the truth the more I extract proof. Tie up anything loose, make a truce with feelings produced. Perception colored by mood, various shades of blue. No matter the stage one thing continuously range true. Hurt me first, then said I love you. Built a tower, left foundation crude. In life, at any moment everything you’ve worked for can come undo do. Explosive glue, damage sticks to you. Pieces turn dust. Natural tendency to lust for some trust. I feel stupid, gave everything only, to watch your smile, as you fell through. After the second time, I already knew, nothing to do.
Only you can change you.