Forever A stone

The ground is my home. Personality a stone, safe to say you can find me everywhere without looking. To the abundant pointlessness of it all. Blinded by a dream. little more than a scheme, plot the essence of life, see why mother nature said it’s not meant for me. I was born by being chipped of the rock that helps keeps you stuck next to a hard place. Unfortunate events, or karma coming to collect. Debt to my intellect, didn’t take up offend. A tiny pebble verse the world. A little rough around the edges searching for meaning. Wasn’t in control of my fate, so nature’s law, move or hold me in place.

Next to the rock. Stuck in one spot is where I continued. Shaded by what should and could have been you. New experiences past due, sold on the idea of rain that move side ways. Tired of my lot it life, breaking down, trying to have it my way. This all has to be for something. Stars never align on the night of a blue moon. A piece of me snapped and left back, no time to think, wind got me on the move. Question the terrain I travel through. Boulders bigger than me that can’t move. Every new choice in life, hit with “what should I do”. Continued to move. Edges continued to smooth. Rolled through grass, dirt, mountain turf, mud was the worst. The feeling lurked, Still know nothing about this earth.

Grass a gift and a curse, roll through easy a present from the gods. Get lost, freedom is what robbed you. Blades of green, a door to be opened, only to find several more. Hard to yes to one thing and say no to many, many more. Dirt kinda hurt. When I rolled, it rolled me. Matched pressured, chipped off tiny pieces. The longer I stayed the more ready I would be for fate. Constantly move at a steady pace. Yet with every grind, tiny hill that took me high. The parts I lost, made me harder to recognize. Reach the end and lose myself. Won’t do that or compromise.

Mountains I went up only to go back down. Got used to the feeling of controlling my elevation. Mud like a slug slow dragging everything down. Guilt didn’t make it better, lets call it constant rain on a parade. Without it though. Won’t have realized even a plant has the chance to grow in the shade.

At shore. I was sure. Life has much more in-store. Pebble on the waves or bottom of the ocean.

Flight Fatigue

Solid ground first and foremost. Each footstep a reminder of who paved the way. Never seen my own footsteps in front of me. Even when I’ve come full circle, its hard to say. Attention to the minor details I never pay. Association with obsession a price, a fingerprint might cost. Searching to find better days, lost in a lot of nothing. Hopefully still on the way. Leave covered trees, plants growing from no seeds, light helps to only grow the stubborn weeds. To the terror I must speak, showing you puts me out in the open. Closed door, dare peep. Animals roam out here, more than sheep. Mush the ground, crisp the air.

In this game, nothing is really what it seems.

Trapped By Words

Listen, a necessity for those that want to be heard.

Your thought process can follow the pattern of spoken word. A little bit of you in everything you do. Wake up in the morning, brush your teeth before you eat food. Shower before you go outside for a run. Start off fresh, followed up by a mess. Anything you do someone might suspect. That sounds just like him, call the guards and the watchdogs, lets teach him some respect. Social interactions , a whole life to protect. Sharp while I digress. Least suspect, anyone. Open a brain, pick it like a multiple choice test.  Who I am, continually left open-ended. Life experience will be changed by a couple of sentences. Story, once left up to you, turned coloring book. Enemies make due.

Really flipped the script, turn events sadistic with a couple of words falling off your lips. Thought we we’re in this together but, you’ve never seen a sinking ship. Full speed ahead under-board. Death in cold water UN-insured. Death by jealous probability forever more. Survivors guilty sets in while you’re still trying to survive. Watch how feelings and precious moments take a nose drive into cold ice. You can do nothing, avert eyes. Water, grab on tight. More than possible, to carry escaping mayhem. Bed frame, rusted paint, hits, almost faints. Used to be held up by all this weight. Defeat can’t be smelt nose are clogged. End of the story, me drowning like a log. Turn fog. Jump, craving the victory you’ve been missing.

How to guide, turn survivor edition. Eye of the storm, false bliss. Traveling through last stretch puff up chest. At times like this. Remembering all issues, opportunities seldom benefits.  Bubble floating up, lost of breath. Clothes, heavy, constricting. Midnight blue into a darker hue. Swept. Since before dismay, chaos or disarray view of the world never been the same. Penny for my thoughts, told mom to keep the change. Uncharted path I’m on can’t be explain. Solid ground, oasis of happiness to be found. Here I can’t drown. Swim when death makes a sound. The ship is completely under. Life is being suffocated. Light beams in through the surface. Making sure to highlight tragedy. Too many shades of blue to count. Think of a way to make it out.

Paddle in, kick out. Movement of a body unable to run. In doubt. Growing up, the worst was a rain cloud. Pressure from all around. Imagine 360 degree storm cloud. Moving forward when it’s complete dark around. Unconscious of up or down. Lack of feeling compounds. What am I searching for. Not a child here to explore, just searching for more, for warmth. Despite the 180 done in the face of death. Mistakes only time can stress. Hope to make it out, feeling shorten of breath.

Menacing Bowl of Grapes

Let’s say for a minute you’re not Dynasty .

Pretty much worthless. A picture of the sun over the real one, is no misdeed.

Cast a spell, connecting all inner thoughts, associations to the topic, or main statement. Right now we are talking about people and fake shit. This bowl, of grapes lightly drop out the bag, getting washed the toll. Purple fading, won’t last another week. Sat real low in my high chair where they wanted me. These grapes, for all intents and purposes is going to be the death of me. Things that kill me. So many but, few. Devour by the ones not two. Impatience, my time is long overdue. Complements from people, who don’t trust you. Eggs on the face of a clock. Even through the mess, time doesn’t stop. Sweeping through, spreading, harder to clean. Unsweetened ice-cream. All the weight and none of the satisfaction. Magnets that lose their attraction. When you stop being you.

Now, jump through hoops. Handling expensive fragile things. The drop. The misfortune it brings. Telling a humming-bird when and how to sing. Breather slower and slower everything second. Run towards danger without holding a weapon. Take a couple of shot but, accept them. Bad memories, forget about it, repress them. Explain to your friends why you left them. Full off the first plate, here is extra. Ha I lied, all I did was move the rice around the plate just to test ya greedy ass. Prove that you we’re set up. Run from everything you want to love, never let up. Talk about your past, never shut up. Hold onto slipping conversations long enough. Miss the last breath, whispering don’t forget me. Know the pain of a broken toe by breaking a finger. Deceit, cease to linger.

Cross the street, dropping money on the ground. Raise a child that isn’t your own. Go to the mall buy everything, give that shit back. Learn to deal with heart attacks. Listen even while you talk. Carry a rock up a mountain. Plant it at the top. Don’t care about anyone who hates you. Learn to care about nothing. Always be for something. Share a breakfast muffin.

On the last branch. The feeling of running out of something. Animals hunting. Bills due. Fast food. Candy too. Energy to start the day. Stress to keep me awake. Cake mix to bake. Sort had a bad date with fate. Immature over eight. Enough knowledge to know my place.

Doing a whole lot of nothing now. That’s all of the grapes.No mistake, still have the bowl, taste on my tongue has fallen out of favor. The experience wasn’t really for me to savor. Stepped in before the grapes had a chance to naturally meet their maker. Truth be told. Now my stomach hurts. Acid about to burst. The path my life is on can be considerable worst. Things said when pain no longer hurts.

Line me up for the flex

Easy to be upset, hard to forget. Less stress equals more blessed. Better tomorrow pressed. A known associate of mines, okay a family friend. Alright, my own ***** tried to set me up. Set me up how and for what you ask, a never-ending question the answer must be explored like a jungle not toured like a museum. History scattered, remains intact, feeling some thing is missing, hidden or too distant, keeps me driven. I drove right into a village whose history is a constant pilgrimage. Left behind, to play catch up, forgotten self sabotage makes sure a realization never adds up to the truth. Whatever that maybe for you. Justification to blame others for his problems. This is my answer, this essay written to fight the truth, disprove and let loose feelings forming into a noose. The conversation starts off regular, how was your day ? How are you today ? No, I didn’t know about that. Regularity sets the pace.

As I walk away, back turned heading down the stairs. He calls my name. Some what strange. Like he knew but, didn’t know who he was talking too exactly.  Since you heading that direction, go check in the bathroom, look up at the ceiling, tell me if water is dripping. Okay, you want what ? now ? Check the bathroom ceiling and see if water is still leaking. Still ? Without searching for it intentions subtly revealed. Intentions and outcomes is a wholesome meal. Let them tell you, instead of telling them what they are doing. Too many chefs ruin the pot and I like to eat a lot. I’ll hold this small spot on the ground and sit there. You’ll tell me everything you want me to hear. I’m prepared.

In the bathroom there is a bucket under the leak. Lord bucket, captured by mystique. Silent form of grief. When unable to speak, will be felt rolling in the sheets trying to sleep. A task already completed, my reasoning defeated, there I stood with a half empty bucket. Still didn’t see the issue we have time before we need to switch the bucket it out, when it doubt positivity comes out.

I come back up. Before I even tell him, he’s already answering his own questions. The water there ? It’s still leaking ? The bucket I put there filled ? Wasn’t fast enough to reply, listened to the rest of the monologue. He sucks his teeth, looks away and tightens his fist, rage locked in his glints. I ask…..

You just wanted me to tell you ?

No, no I just wanted to know if it was leaking and where the leak is coming from. Line me up for the flex, Shoot the messenger. Lately, whenever I enter the room the conversation turn frustration. Exit and it starts dissipating. To cope, I lie. Everyone just hating.