Coffee Flavored Sugar Free Gum

Sugar_Free

Too good for you, a king.

Waking up a servant to desires. Brew my water. Temperatures reach higher. I better not burn myself.  A useful necessity, energy spike. In the morning, never stays throughout the day. I need it the most. Painful, it has to be this way.

Lost in the title. Even a bubble will forget where it came from. Floating up towards the clouds. The only life it knows, in the only way it knows how. Right before it pops, right before its sure that ascendance was it’s and it’s alone. Right before the feeling of…..

“Hoping I can stay like this forever”.

Second only to bliss. It will pop. It will pop and with it an an accompanying scream.

“What is going on” ?

Too self-aware of hopelessness to curse. A wish is made. Time move in reverse. Slowly put together the pieces radiating outwards. Pain staking glue the connection out of sight. A new bubble is reformed. What was once inspiring. Left the stage after it performed. No encore from this audience. More amused with the curtains.

“What’s going on” ?

5 different elements pulled together. To make this perfect. To be out done and made worthless by someone who didn’t even want to be here. Fell through the roof. Rather, rain on my parade. Nothing left to do, backing up, walk away. Cool off in the shade. Mind in a haze. What am I to do from today. Which started off peacefully. What goes around comes around got stuck somewhere on the way. In heat. Little problems on my mind seldom melt away. Catch fire when I magnify issues of yesterday and today.

“What’s going on” ?

Feeling, one with the shade. One with the shadow, following tracks. Glued to backs. Always around even when the sun is out. Complex to simple to nothing. No going back. Chewed bubble gum popped. Spat on the ground to be stepped in. Now someone else’s issue. Scraping it off. Ain’t hard, just a little tricky. Associate darkness with being sticky. Oozing out the walls. Aiming straight at my head.

“What’s going on” ?

Wrote this down, when I fell hard on my face. From high up. Seldom speak because, the walls, listen. Part of the conversation. Get Rid of them and the roof caves in. Vibrations bounce off and back into the microphone, sounding like light whispers everywhere. Catching feelings like a cold. What are you supposed to do when even the bitterness leaves you empty. This gum and this coffee got me, forever hungry.

“What’s going on with me” ?

Temptation is a tight fit. A solid fitting ring even. One night flings. Sweeping up broken dreams. Covering my ears in the night, though I hear the screams. Only person in the crowd not willing to give up a damn thing.

“What’s wrong with me… simple ain’t for you ”

it’s Most definitely for me.

Bitches, hoes, Money and Woes

What did you forget?

Remembered. Only after, you’ve forgotten again. Memories moving in a geometric flow. Patterns explode. And there “I” go. Trapped in a Time capsule. Buried when ? Only the memory knows, never shows. Left with only a couple of words. Whenever told, sounds absurd. ” I’ve felt this before”. Only just touched down on the moon. It was an onion that put me in this mood. Cut of the ends, reveal the circles within. Symmetry, remove the skin. Only just the slightest cut. Tears flowing into ducts. Road ahead is still a must. Cleanly Sliced into two, put the halves back together, stuck like glue. No one would have knew.

Remind me, my other half is missing, A third of me gone. Down to two. First things first stay well slept, if you decide to mess with a bitch, that’s mad, she ain’t a hoe. Please forget the particular people that don this cloak. Like to be mad the moment, they are woke. Range from anything to a joke, or out of turn, someone, spoke. They lucid dream onto the scene, do anything to break that, you’re the one being mean. So I’ll set myself up, enjoy the rush nothing better than a reason to commit treason. Attitude change like the seasons. Close attention feel it coming. Even in a dream you don’t have full control.

Lost in this onion scroll. Dicing now, regain self control. Onion only just a minute ago used to be whole. Meant as a joke, the moment it entered the premises, the future became history. The onions that, only just, died here ? Ain’t no list for me. Finish, use the next one, to remember when the last one was whole, complete. What a feat put life on metaphoric repeat. Cut off the ends, reveal the circles within, scan top to bottom, the smallest circle out of symmetry. Forget the day you lived life like a hamster, a bump hit my ball, causing me to fall out and see.

Blinded by the broken glass, couldn’t read the situation. Hoes get to you, no capacity for patients. Even for myself. Always feeling sick. Love to chase the get well. Suit of armor for anyone who wants to live life at a faster pace. Understanding death is one of these days. Get to the goal literal race, no face to face on the go. Got to run up besides and see only half the face. Thank goodness I run backwards fast with grace. Practice running from problems putting the future behind me. Focused on the past, although from this far away everything looks so tiny. That ball was more than a home, everything I knew.

Whatevers in the way, be it pain. Cut loose. Cut one Cut two. Dicing. Almost through. Onion all exposed, multiple faces. Who they really are ? Can’t seem to know. Whole lot of nothing and it shows. Yet still love me some cubes. So much to know. More cuts, more parts of myself to be exposed. Lets not get lost on the road, 13 more onions to go. Cutting my way up the food pyramid. I want me a wholesome girl. Yet still refuse to cut the shit.

We got problems. I admit.

Mindless pleasures

Stand still for a minute. Think about anything.

Just not how you’re standing.

Habitual ritual, deserves some explanation. A couple of steps back. Begin tracing, let’s call it. When the season change. See the earth is not yours it mines, took me a long time. Next stop the top of it. keeping eyes open during the drop. Seen it all.

First the beginning of Fall. All my deep seeded troubles lead back to a time when I was clueless to the movement of the wind. Whispers as attacks are harder to shake off, let the weight off and make off with a sprint. Face plant, trapped in a box,. Poked holes, my image, self-worth, pride, desires, personality traits hard-wired. Could have said you can’t change a tire, patience Stretched thin. Real me coming out the seems. Ready to devour all the lines and everything in between. Abuse, more quietly mistreat, tornado of soot. Whole front half covered, other side is clean, there I planted a seed trying to grow a tree. You don’t even have your own back covered. Fearless one must be, turn a blind eye, let it lay witness to why trees have falling leaves. Old habits that couldn’t make it, colors on the ground beautiful. Cannibal leaves take place. Grow with haste, all about the chase. Winter whispers on the way.

Seen the end and all.  Frozen in mid-air nothing can fall. Holding on tight, grabbed onto the fabric of life. Slow inducing fright. Time likes to play, it sure played me. When I hit, i’ll shatter like glass, anything touched on the way down broken too, unintelligible. Luck on the side, put me back together, had to learn, with what this weather concerns with. wrong elements create tension when mixed, all ready fixed, won’t play pretend. Mistakes figured, so long retention. Back in action. Stay up on the count of peeps, sugary sweet. Every slight twitch, you been caught by “distract “. The whole story just been faxed. Whatever you do left up to interpretation, that mines now in fact. Saw a child pass and you walked right after him. Such a shame, presentation to blame, slow footage warps brain. Slightly different perspective on things. Movement is proof. Specially in cold rain. Dirt inspector. Turn heat injector. Spring trifecta.

Flowers, warmth and grievance. Hindsight achievements now that winter is leaving. Transaction, sold everything I believed in. For a feeling this pleasing. No receipts. Worried by how long this will last. Got what I wanted, never want what I got. Middle of a meadow found a spot. Put your heart at the center of it all. Didn’t do it right unless I catch anxiety while breathing. So little to believe in. Arrangement of the presentation eye candy decoration. Real fruit mixed in with fake fruit on the dinner table. Pick one that doesn’t hurt when you eat. Starve for 40 days, everything hurts when you eat it. Over abundance, nuance redundant. Giving really is a fearsome trap in fact. Guilt, reason for the UN-relax. Went through life taking whatever they gave me, save me. Inch given mile taken,Spring of happiness needs time for relapsing. Sleep with your back towards the world face in a pillow, the tree I see, you’ve grown into is a weeping willow.

Summer the pseudo hero.  Heat once consider a miracle, spiritual, circle of life spherical. Now I hate the innocence in a child’s eyes. Reflection in the mirror too over baring. More distant between the earth and the sun is what there should be.The sun, anything I every wanted for me. Getting to close, watch how what I want is the very thing that burns me. Confusion concerns me, slightly more innocent than anger. Hoping no body heard me. The way this heat is going, you can cook an egg on the ground. Might not like how that sounds but, if the egg is what you gave birth. People will steal and make sounds much worst. All your hard work ended up in a hearse. Misconstrued heat say. Dare say. I’ll miss pay.

Now think about how you aren’t standing.

Sit Down

porch_2

Tear drop falls into a pool of water, ripple effect. A calm, alertness. The human body is mostly comprised of water. The feeling of someone talking directly to you. Almost through you. ” What’s he going to say next”. Nothing else matters expect that. Next few seconds listen intently in fact. Tunnel vision, know where I gotta go. Well known, what I gotta do. Driven down this road before, focused on distractions in the rear view. This time the ride down is accompanied by a water drop. ” Wasn’t crying, only one tear got away”. Ways to deny the fact you’ve reached your lowest point. Stead fast to the bottom.

Lower than your boot. This pain, shame, weighing heavy on the brain will take root. Tear drop soaked into the ground and hit’s roots. Inflections get deep. Reaches parts of you unknown and unseen. Never Remembering that in complete darkness, better yet the absence of light. Everything is everything, not a single difference in sight. Nothing. Inside I felt nothing at the time, certainly better than something.
” I’m tired of feeling so empty, so used, mistreated, confused, suppressed urges to lash out, be rude”.
Swore to never be that type of dude.

Realizing promises are formed with either or intentions. To be broken or to be kept. My intentions, where to smash their faces in and have them slept on. Lifeless bodies, unrecognizable only mothers wept on. Sometimes you have too, let yourself get upset. Up to the challenge I must step, how can I get mad when, Promises to myself are un-kept. Two drops in the water, twice as alert, slightly unsettled. Water starting to boil in a kettle.

Tired to cover my heart with metal. No in, No out. Air and liquid still made it in, water in the dirt never hurt. Almost time for the roots to give birth. Impatience is the worst, lesson I’ve rehearsed. Still don’t quite get it. Forget it, pretend to get the mind off things, ohh how that brings you right back to square one. We stay here like it’s fun, done, out ready to run. Three tears drops are a pattern, after the third another six more will come. Speaking directly to me now.

Extremely unsettling, more life threatening. Armor around my heart is coming undone. No longer peaceful. Kettle, heat filled. Pridefully steams out, scream out. Ran outside with red eyes. Everything sucks but, not enough to cry about. Temporarily run away from home. Leave behind everything. Sadly this is a metaphor for the body. Won’t happen unless one becomes godly. What ended up happening is me running a couple blocks. Thinking something along the lines of unfair. I don’t care. Even this far I still hear the kettle on the stove. Since it’s mines, no one else knows.

Do you hear that ?

Not quite, what do you mean ? The bird humming ?”

Lol probably someone’s phone.

My problems always seem tame in comparison. Stand on the street corner unable to decided the time. I should self sacrifice to the garrison. Even when low, you can still get lower, I wish tomorrow will come a little bit slower. I know life isn’t fair however, when other people go out of their way to make things worst, the troll it takes on your soul happens gradually. The same way I do what I gotta do, so I can stay me and be happen, is the same way I gotta let other people do what they do, even if their outcome and intentions effect my life drastically.

One question came to mind when I learned my lesson. Would you rather build or destroy ? Impatience tested my creditably. Be the best possible version of myself. Silly me the completion was always me. So I walked back home, open the door and locked it behind me. I’m not going anywhere, until I can deal with all of my problems and still sleep soundly. Attack me if you will, devour it all, while staying unaffected. Profoundly.

Let Go of Everything

Never had much in the first place, this should be an easy task. Won’t hold back, thirsty so I’ll drink straight out the bottle. Hard to see, the only things that held you together vanish like a memory. This bottle is finished, barely remember drinking it. Thinking steadily, hands open readily. Drop any and everything known to me. It was over in a second. Stuck with the after taste for a couple of minutes. Never had much, what’s the fuss, hold up, attachment. Still found myself scrabbling for more time as my identity dared to hit the ground. Maybe if I hold the bottle upside down long enough. Residue will join hand in hand, flowing with gravity to form a droplet. Just enough for me to have a taste once more. In actuality, a common fallacy. What shot to the ground was me. Imagine a baseball player diving for home run. How else was he supposed to make it.

That’s what it felt like. Suspended in mid-air, hold the thought there. This is the source of my issue because, of this feeling I’ll dis too, mistreat, chop of feet and even, strangle the life out of somebody. All my life I’ve been known as the good guy. Worked hard. To get put up, this high in everyone else’s mind. Take that from me. Sure sounds a lot like death to me. Who would I be. What would other’s see. Need outside opinion to be complete. Not ready to take that second step into the unknown. Forever in the zone, safer place than home. Upon a throne, wining at this game called life alone.

If I’m a winner. What reasons do I have to be so desperate to win in this moment. Look at me, going so far as to, one-up myself. At the sake of my own health. Drop everything I’m doing if that means I get the chance to show off. Diving for nothing there. Since when is identity just the parts and not it’s entirety. The disgust felt, watching myself now, tiring. No wonder, most people just give up when around me. How you out clown a clown. Out ass an ass and live with a man who is only comfortable when everyone else isn’t. You just kinda give him what he wants. You can tell he really needs this.

Even with all this, Feelings still in a free fall. Who would I be without this. Dumb-ass, you’ll still be you. Although true. I’m more afraid of finding out who I truly am. A bird or a rat with wings. To fall down is to be weak. The thought, feeling, a little tweaked. Falling. Have yet to truly fell. Stay suspended in hell. Funny though, for an illusion I clearly fell. My identity was mines to begin with. Proving it, is the next step. Don’t know how, no confidence to figure it out. So we shout. Acting proud all the while dumb found.

Silly of me to cling onto a cloud. Every changing, parts rearranging. Even if It flipped upside. Took the shape of a clown, Poor sucker, lazy fucker. It would still be a cloud. Inspire to be just like a cloud. That thought came to me the moment, I allowed myself to fall down. Eat dirt, stained my shirt, no longer a player, didn’t make it back  home to first. Oh well. Things could always go better or worst.