Do I look Like a Sucker ?

Since when is it okay to play with feelings.  Refuse to send shots, to anyone specific. That’s not healing. Only bitter feelings, dealing. If the shoe fits, shot-gun spray in one direction, if it hits, you were in the way, of me being happy tomorrow. Subsequently after, roll over dead bodies with a tractor. I go over board. That way we both get off being bastards, assholes, cunts. Secretly being over the top is a front, never let anyone hurt your heart more than once. Second time around I’m just as angry at you as I am myself. I feel  you were overly dedicated. Clearly premeditated, I must be dumb. We both refused to see the signs in front of us.

Ohh he’s not going to care. My pain, she’s not going to hear, never talk about it loud enough. He likes to be used, that’s the excuse. Well, might as well, blame it on love. Dove, shot down to be patched back up. It will soar again. Given the circumstances we will never be friends. Hopefully humpty dumpty never sat back on the wall again. Can only pretend for so long, we should have jumped with our eyes closed. Yours stayed open. Doesn’t work unless we both believe, faith is the key ingredient to a home cook meal. Technically from the start, you saw the end.

Like a fool I was blind to it. Everything I put in, turned out useless and you still let me do it. My own fault, all up in my head imagining things. Walked only with my legs. Should have noticed when you told me watch out, then and there. How weird. Guess it must be a six sense. Lied to myself before you had a chance too. Won’t stand, sit, eat, sleep, walking being your best friend. Girl, let me go because, I don’t want to let you go again. If I do, ultimately everything I wanted to do for you. Changes into things I desperately did for myself. In the end I couldn’t keep you happy enough.

Since when is it okay to play with feelings. Inspired to erase your fears, always be there. Well. Only when you actually needed me. Read your mind, to bring out the divine, blur the dotted line, making the troubles of your world mines. Kisses down the spine, body and mind aligned. Never felt so alive. Despite it all, still got the call goodbye.

Being conceited, I got what I deserved. A reality check. Thank you. Time to cash in and have some fun. All is said and done, never over with. Who was I to think, I could turn her world upside down with a blink. That I was the savior, with all my shitty behavior. Let me go, wash the dishes in the sink, forced to use my hands to scrub out the mess I made for myself. Here we are, thankfully not hurt, albeit bitter. When the heart starts beating too fast for chest. Got ourselves a quitter. Used every other emotion to protest, protect, deflect, neglect, what was truly felt.

The more we change, the more we stay the same. Contradictions is the only life for me. Vulnerability out of spite.

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