Ultimately fail to Win

Never put your heart into anything. Never allow yourself to feel. Never get swept up, in the moments of the situation. For anyone who has aspirations of achievements gained by, the lack of achievement, by others. Always set yourself, up right. Always allow the world, to be the first to stop you, before you do. We love to trip ourselves up, more so holding ourselves back. Always planing the route, never staying on track. I like the illusion of control. Magic is supposed to be a mystery. Even when I’m helping somebody, never forget to think, what’s in it for me. Talking to myself now, how much control did I really have of the situation in front of me. None, you see, I’m only mad because, you are cramping my style. Trying to do what I want, you always stopping me. You can never do anything always.

Funny how people always tell you that. I was told “…..You always, never forget to talk your shit”.  Never impressed by the evidence, I’m with me, all the time. Never in a million years will I talk my shit, more than 15% of the time. Only for today, never again, we promise, no one else will make us feel like this. Never hit us, with that talking down to us, shit. Worked extra hard, to feel this highly of ourselves, can’t take let it get taken away, that easy. Through inaction or action, out come the same. Always, allowed people to let their mouth run. Ways to combat the disrespect, I got none. Time after time, always the person to ruin the fun. Emotions I don’t know how to handle, just like a baby walking for the first time and falling face first. Even worst, to never look stupid in front of, considered enemies. Act out-of-pocket, outsiders looking in confused on, who is the real enemy.

I don’t understand. When a joke is made at my expense, when the perceived status of a position is taken advantage of, I’m forced to look like an idiot and take it, or when a condescending tone is heard by the entire room. No one ever takes my side. Yell with me, get frustrated with me, go so far, as to put your job, life, comfort and future on the line with me. To show disrespect warrants full focus, no matter how destructive, it needs be. It is, what it is, no complaints here. Everything in life seemingly breakable, more so how I need it to be. Another form of magic passed on from a magician to me. Stand up for yourself, that way the world will see, you are not laundry. Easily washed, dried, hung out and folded.

Seeing is believing, from miles away. Only close up could you tell, I was deceiving. Like a washing machine, on command, I go through an emotion cycle. All someone need to do is put in the right amount of change. A spectacle I’ve become. To come, to my show it’s cheap, a quarter just the one. Well anything quarter shaped, You didn’t need to give me anything valuable to you, I still give all of me and then some. Afterwards folded and packed away haphazardly, now a belonging. Waiting patiently to be used, worn and played out. After years, finally discarded, sadly admitting. That was my way out. Found a medium between the two extremes. Don’t need to get played or to play. Still laundry, floating in the wind, only to have fun. Make it hard for yourself, never fall into a vicious cycle. Even if you come out cleaner on the other end, it’s always that much easier to spot the dirt.

I stand up for myself now, while having mostly fun, in fact. A situation never, always has to define you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s