Written for the Future meant for the Past

Turn off the lights, to be dramatic and then some. Honestly So I can never get caught, on camera, you have me mistaken, for someone else. Eyes, no longer on me finally easing up, to relax. From my concerns I detract, in my minds construct, waits a voice message for me. Still not ready to picture the reality, laying there waiting for me. Volume playing real low, the value not turned up enough, more so unconcerned. However, every time you hit, I lose an eardrum. Both my thumbs, stuck in to save them, rolling around on the floor. More bruises, didn’t matter to me. Even in the dark, run to pick up the pieces of yourself. Unexpected melody, causing me to react, always unable to respond. How am I supposed to jump back 700 meters, if you launch a glass shattering scream, in moments notice. This is a voice message, the duration unknown. Not even really communicating, patiently waiting to get all the information. Usually when stuck somewhere, here until ready, done dealing with whatever this is. Imagine running out the house after you took a bite of spaghetti. Second time, half the spaghetti connected to the plate, you heard a loud thump outside and laugh. Grandma screamed from the bad fall right after.

Refusing to see the signs, I contemplate my own meaning to the messages. A new perspective, one without really seeing. I’ve heard enough what more do I need. Really, what more can I take. I may not be the greatest music fan. Heck I don’t remember the last time I changed what I ate. Sometimes I find myself wanting something, when asked why, I can’t even speak. Everything is everything to me, this new discover, that’s what I’m hoping you’ll be. Unsatisfied with knowing only parts, out of your body I’ll kick you and forcefully try to become you. A minor dance with obsession, unless all in, you’ll never learn your lesson. Forgive me, that’s how I show how much something means to me. Everything I care about, carefully chosen. Only as great as the things that hold me together. Therefore everything is a miracle to me.

Blaming you is the first step, in knowing more of me too. Interestingly enough looking at, maybe, all I really did was project emotions on to you. Picture this, the sun smiling at me to brighten my day. Me claiming that to be fact, based on the assumption. Only things that love me brighten my day, when the sun isn’t up I’m not as happy. Always showing up when, feeling crappy. One day I got mad at the sun. Where, did you leave me to ? The day wasn’t quite the same without you. I couldn’t walk around proud too, knowing that you were always there when needed. This time, gone without so much as an indication. The only thing I went crazy for back tracking, how’d I go wrong, is my wallet. Credit card, ID, Social Security, Family photo and birth certificate found in different street corners. Honestly not, even wanting to being to understand. In a hurry to move on.

Please tell me something, after all this time nothing. Days have moved on. many replies still need from you. The one time I was hoping for no light. The sun creeps into the room. Funny, specifically made a deal with fate, not to see you today. Now you actively disregard my wishes. My mind fills in the blanks, your silence submissive. If you had a neck, choke hold position. Too bad you can’t talk.

If you can’t talk, I’ll talk for you. Accountable for my happiness, I’ll hold you. Granted you are only doing what’s natural to you, that I couldn’t see. When it comes to whats most important in life, it had to be me. You wanted, deserve, everything I wanted and then some because, you at least, still wanted me to be me. Not apologize for what I can’t see, I’ll make it up to you. Only when realized, I refused to see. Proud that I’m willing to make a future compromise. The real cause of the lights, a power outage. Open the curtain, finally comfortable alone. No longer fixated on the past. I knew it. Without light, I wasn’t thinking like me.

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