Feeling lost in my body
Too many answers, too many directions. Knowing where you are and where you want to go, lead me to this feeling. Too many options with promises just as good as the last. Hard to say yes to one, while saying no to all. Before I ask for anything, give first the motto. At first ran into issues, it was too clear I wanted something in return. Now once the other person is satisfied if they look to help out after. I no longer care, the goal is to show appreciation. The entire world will not always willingly accept your gifts.
looking for advice on how to operate in this life, those with more time spent living, should know right. Double my age, most likely been lost at least twice. The foundation you’ve set on shifting sand, has not moved, even slightly. Not looking for guidance to the light at the end of the tunnel, wishing to hear about your experience reaching, the light. It blinds me more than the shadows I’m surround by. More comfortable here, where visibility is unclear. At least we know what we are dealing with. So we ask
“How was your day ?”
The response is always, more or less the same.
Since I’ve been born, nothing has been simple. Only thing given to me is punishment for wanting things, easy. Is the second to last word I learned, right after unfair. No control over anything, definitely not, how I feel about it. This body borrowed, belonging to faces never seen, whose words burn, a profound effect on me. Slight nudges here and their on who we should be and how we should act. Becoming more violent as we grow up. An Adult needs to be able to take this. Going out everyday to submit to the pain, for myself, I will make a name.
Didn’t ask to be here. Sure as hell not leaving, we all have equal claim to the ground we stand on. Which continues to exist, regardless if we are present or non-extinct. Deepening our agony, whoever came before made it like this. Everyday a drop in the bucket, that isn’t close to filled. “Tomorrow” an abstract concept, once I get their, then I’ll deal with it. Lost, irritated, tired , hopeful, numb, mindful, resentful, patient, downtrodden, uplifted and content. Aren’t the right words but, together they form meaning. All out war with life ever since, I started taking care of myself. Day by day I lose pieces, unable to take a break, caring for myself. An upper hand chance, life is more than willing to take.
Shame sets in. My bad day, doesn’t seem as bad anymore. Juxtaposed to a real problem. Feeling better, not from knowing it’s a part of life, you’ll get through it. No, someone has it worst. Only reason you know now, you stopped complaining and took the time to ask.
Let’s complain tomorrow instead