Don’t want to talk now

via Daily Prompt: Rivulet

Not ever

Anger is compromised of repetitive emotion. The more I try to ignore the small stuff, the easier it is for me to not see it coming. It’s the small things, that are harder to explain, not as easy to express the significance of it all. People tend to dismiss so you, naturally you dismiss it too. It’s literally, not a big deal. Ignoring the bread crumbs that leads you too the big catch. They rot and mold overtime, holding my feelings in only makes them more resentful and less likely to be accept at all, much less likely by myself.

Nature has proven to us, anything rotten is no good for the body. Yet still I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to open up the opportunity for someone other than me to belittle my paper cut, don’t want to open the wound deeper to prove how bad it really is. A nasty cut leaves a equally nasty scar, the band-aid needs to come off once in a while and let fresh air play a hand in the healing, Riv -vu- letting the feeling . Out of sight,out of mind. Turning the wheel of the “Jack in the box”. My life effectively becomes a games. Is he going to blow. Or does the pressure build to blow another day.

The memory of it, clear and unforgettable like the music played when turning the wheel. Fate is bound to happen. 30 seconds, long enough to decipher for a life time, short enough to seem manageable on your own. I usually push down further whenever, it shows it’s ugly head, unasked. Beauty is subjective therefore meaningless, until decided. Now clear to me this is a active choice, I’m making. Undeniable to me, that I’m allowing pieces of my soul to fall where they may. Not letting my story out, despite the incident being yesterday. Tomorrow won’t be a new day for me. My piece of mind won’t be the same for me. The only way to change, is too stop waiting for me.

Let’s go find ourselves
“Fine let’s talk about.”

What’s important to me will never be as important to you in the same way. No mistaking that. We come to an agreement, a contract written verbally through time. Signed off by our actions. This is how much I care, I swear. By my left and right hands invested in me. Intentions felt with every touch. Heard behind the construction of sentences. Inseparable until death do you two part. If it wasn’t for this contact we wouldn’t have been here. Without this contract, you wouldn’t have too, be here. I get the feeling you don’t want to be here. The same tools used to create this agreement. Now, only seem to try and destroy it. I didn’t ask you to do anything for me. Only wanting to be here when it benefited you. Say that from the beginning, you give me the chance to say the same. Both sides need to go all in, if even one side does. If I remember correctly I went all in first then you matched. No, you went all in first then I matched. Blame game, doesn’t change where we are now. What’s important to me, was, is and will continue to be disrespected, as along as we work together. I’ve seen you go out and get exactly what you want from this world. So much so, it inspired me to do more of the same. I guess what you really wanted was to play heads or tails. Feel good about yourself at times and resentful at times. We agreed to balance the coin. The two extremes are important parts of me, desperately wanting to find the middle ground. Now my chances of landing on resentment is 75-20. 5% not knowing how to feel. I played a part in this too. That is my signature. I help set the stage that let this drama unfold.

Nothing gained nothing lost.

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