My Cyborg Self


Provide the Space

Friend= ME
Paid Actor = Closest friend
Shorty = I like her even more
Shorty: It’s not all about you “Friend”

Here we are again, almost as if purposely, I drove down the wrong side of the street. “Shorty” as the traffic officer, tired of giving me tickets, impounds the car. I swear, I’m paying attention to the road and following the traffic signs. That I’m not just acting or disregarding your warnings and tickets. It’s just that, before you started the job, I’ve been going down this road my whole life. Everyone I’ve ever known drives down this road. Even you, when you aren’t on duty.

” I don’t inspire to be selfless”

“Thinking only about the self, skews information.”

“Cloudy information makes it harder to see the sun”
“Feeling conflicted”

“The only time the concept of selfishness comes up is during the conversations I have with her”
“When comfortable more of myself is willing to come out”

“Around “shorty” I am most comfortable”
” If she is seeing parts of me, no-one else gets to see, her insight should hold a lot of weight”

“Which of my actions, gives off the strongest feeling of selfness. Back track from there to the thought process behind it, then the feelings.”

After some thought by breaking down my actions piece by piece. The Letter “I” is ever-present. Lots, if not all of my sentences start and end with “I”. Even the middle is dominated by “I”.  Always, all about me.

” How did I end up here, when usually my goal is to learn more about others during conversation.”

Friend : ” Yooo, bro, hear this predicament !”

Paid Actor:  “You selfish as fu*k bro, I just never tell you. I like the freelance work.” *puts down script*

” Even, my closest friend agrees. “

” He is a great listener, I know he looks to understand first before anything. So much so, If I don’t stop talking he won’t find the opportunity to jump in.”

“Shorty is a greatest listener thus far”

” All the more reason to trust her…..”

With that finally being acknowledged. I’m beginning to understand the catalysis that, makes the interactions with her different from most. In most conversations, the hat of a listener is worn more often. “Shorty” never takes off, her hat. In the moments where I feel I’m truly being understood. I can’t help but, to talk.

“I” statements are my primary way of expressing that feeling of ” hey, let’s open up and talk to each other” . When I open up, I do it to provide a space where, the other people can feel comfortable, not attacked or judged.

“People naturally like to talk about themselves, making ambiguous statements about myself, others naturally talked about themselves too.”

“Shorty rarely talks about herself unless asked”

“of course, since I’m being Hurd, I go on and on…”

Without her natural drive to partake and bring herself up. We would literally only talk about me for hours. She didn’t bring herself up so I assumed, she was just really interested in talking about me. Little did I realized, she was waiting for the go ahead. The definitive instance, where it was absolutely clear, she is the star of the show (my world).

Talking about myself and waiting for others, to bring themselves up isn’t the only method of finding out more, of bonding.”

” The thought never occurred to me”

“Repeat it, to make it stick”

My new goal is to be a megaphone. For her, first and foremost. Secondly for people who are less inclined to talk about themselves. Everyone has something unbelievably amazing about them. Listen long enough and you will find out. I already feel amazing about myself, irregardless if others know or care to know.

Provide the silence

4 thoughts on “My Cyborg Self

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