We know that feeling of being confident with your knowledge ? So much so, its become second nature. To the point where others can be convinced to leave their interpretations behind and integrate ours into theirs. A step further now. Conversations about how our words happened to have a profound positive effect on their life, then in-turn causing a new profound effect in our life. That is how I felt about love, more specifically about loving oneself. From the future looking at the past, I thought, I believed, I knew I loved myself.
Being with someone and loving someone are two opposites. ” Real love” well let’s say “healthy progressive” love wasn’t present. Like puppies waiting to get picked up and be a present for someone else. I didn’t love myself, to busy being desperate to be loved. My mind and body did not care for each other we just so happened to be roommates. Roommates who never appreciated each other or saw each other as equals. Now the situation is still the same, only the terms have changed. The feeling dawned on me, I only love myself.
As the sun comes up and more of the environment is visible, so to are the examples of my claiming to love and care for others. When in reality it was an extension of a love for myself. This is no real issue. Anyone who once looked in the mirror and saw an enemy. Anyone who sought approval to be themselves, this is a step in the right direction. I don’t want to walk down this path. It will lead me to obsession.
What reason would you have to love yourself to that extent ? The value of others being deemed solely on how they make you feel, that feeling ultimately relating back to self love. Of course I love the river. It provides, it’s refreshing, beautiful to look at, calming all the while keeping me alive. Fun to swim in. Notice, how all of these reasons have nothing to do with the river being it’s self.
The river just being a river. Somewhere deep down, if I stretch my arm hard enough. I could barely touch it. Emphatic love will be within grasp. Loving or caring for someone else devoid of myself is my inspiration. Appreciation for appreciation’s sake. Something that can’t be measured, quantified or truly expressed with words. Something that just “is“. Beautiful and real. First step is letting go of myself and holding on to someone else.
What does it mean to love others