My Robot Self

Insta_RobotSelfMY Robot Self 
 
 After some investigation, the realization hit, the true meaning behind the term robot. Anything I create is, and always will be an extension of myself. Including writing. The words I use are the closest representation to the feeling I want to represent. The words are, a window into my thought process and how my ideas come to be. When writing dialogue for a script, I realized, other people, refer to my natural thought process of speaking and communicating as, robotic. They say, it’s almost if a robot was processing and trying to reproduce human behavior, human speech. They say, it’s Satire, a commentary on movies & films, constructing the words and the progression of the conversation, in the way that people do speak however, not quite. Its dramatic emphasis placed on mundane things, to increase the tension. By using the mundane to Illustrate larger ideas. As a conduit for grander schemes. 
 
” What are you talking about?” 
 
” I thought to myself 
 
“This is honestly, how I talk” 
“How I view the world, how I view everything” 

 
“What about my form of communication” 
“Makes them, feel that way” 

 
” Now, to keep the business private” 
Shawty..will be used in place of her name
 
 
    Shawty : “You feel like a robot” 
 
“Another instance of that phrase”  
“Used in a different context, from a different perspective but hinting at the same thing” 

     
    Shawty: ” what do you think about when you are around me, what runs through your mind? “ 
 
“Conclusion, I really wanna talk to you 
 
     Shawty : ” Ohh okay, makes sense” 
 
Realization hits. It makes sense because, I am very single-minded, whatever goal I have in mind, I will use everything at my disposal to reach the goal. Morals and dignity included. Of course, I was a robot to Shawty. I talked a lot about actions. Sometimes had very powerful feelings behind my words however, despite all my claims of wanting her, and wanting to form a connection. All I did, from her perspective, is talk. Which is why, I understand what exactly is off and robotic about my behavior. To me, getting close to someone has always and only been  

” Just Talking” 
 
” My thoughts are very precious to me” 
Therefore, I don’t share them with many people”
 
 
Like a single-minded, one task functioning robot, I used only the parts necessary to facilitate talking. Better wording it, I used every fiber of my being to facilitate talking, think about a computer freezing because, all the processing power is being used to do this one large task. The issue with this, for lack of a better term is, human don’t do something so idiotic constantly. What possible reason would you have to focus all of your energy on one singular thing? Not just referring to just focus, more so, transforming everything about yourself into whatever is needed to complete the task. 
 
That being said, there are more ways to connect with people, other than “talking” alone. The thought never occurred to me. 
 
“The thought, never, occurred to me “ 
 
” I repeat to make it stick” 
 
Touch, smell, sight, sound, taste. I haven’t been using all of them, I never plugged the other four into the equation. Which is a follows. 
 
” Get closer to shawty 
 
“What are your tools” 
 
“the only way I know how to connect to people is through talking, it’s the only way I know to express that feeling of wanting to get closer 
 
” I’ll use that, Talking” 
 
I’ll develop some techniques & tools to help give credibility to my voice and words” 
 
“Well add that into the equation too, the intricate system of Talking 
 
In essence, my eyes, hand, feet, mouth, hair, voice, emotions, feelings, my clothes, how I walked, how I moved, what I said, what I didn’t say, my entire thought processed, was used to facilitate talking. Another example, playing chess, I use all the pieces on the board, just to get a pawn to the other side and turn it into a king. Most people play chess to win. They use the pieces to achieve that.I could use my knight as a knight, my queen as a queen but, it wouldn’t directly help me get my pawn cross the board. The goal here isn’t to win but, get my pawn across. It’s silly to play chess like that, it’s very singular focused. Its idiotic, if you try earnestly, to play chess like that you would probably stop, like this stupid.  
 
That is simply how I trained my mind to work. Now the goal is the same, but the tools I have to reach that goal has expanded. All 5 senses are how people, not only receive information but, express it as well. No duh right? 
 
Shawty thought I was wishy-washy, scared to be my true self, I was not brave enough, That I’m not trusting the process and letting feeling take over, little did she know, That I, just didn‘t even know. Safe to say, we both were clueless.  
 
“All in all, I’m still basically a robot, that just found out, how to be perceived, as more human

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