Okay, we’re stressing, dodging hard questions. Challenges, my determination can’t mess with. Perfect the way I am, still reason to change appear, relentless. Slip, dodge, ignore, I’m on the defensive. To change is to admit an error in my way. Accept and take responsibility for pain. Grow through a walk of shame. my emotions are no animal to be tamed. Admit I’ve been a fool, trusted the wrong people, disrespected some of my equals. Just what exactly are you asking me to do. Lack luster proof, the personality we’ve built is just the beginning of what I’ll lose. Get it how I can, life got me running loose.
Okay, you definitely need to hear this. Undeniable is the feeling, through wins and lost, our strengths and weakness are revealed. No need to put yourself down. No one is born into greatness, you gotta make it. push further to get further. Put down the self-imposed weight. We gotta chase. A played in the game but, it’s thanks to the different ingredients the sauce has any taste. We can always get better. Only if you decide to not let potential go to waste.
Rock bottom was a step up to me. Just like my left nut to my right. Treated no different than dirt. Misery is happy while being stepped. No concept of “staying in my place”, or of shackles and being a slave. This was my lot in life. Be the best dirt you can be, don’t disgrace. To the farmers who plant the seed, grass grow, much greener through me. Cows graze. Even without four stomachs, they’ll chew, and regurgitate, happily. Golden milk lactate, shipped and sold. High prices paid, no barter or debate. For years, this was fate, common place, contemplate, life wasn’t horrible, life wasn’t great. Fruit of labor stolen in front your face. Uncontested
Can’t tell it was a shady deal, unless one educates, the mechanisms society lifted up and dropped in place. Right on top of me, too much weight to stand up and topple see. In hindsight, now I know why I stayed quiet properly. Simple economics, the top of the totem pole was never the spot for me. When you try to advance be sure to look out for the opposition. They need you there. Keep the structure enact is the mission. At least one where they talk and choose to listen. Used since birth for all your worth. Discarded, call that pimping. Who I was and the possibilities of my capabilities, grew a distance. To whom does one listen, The voice that calls you dirt or the stars the glisten. Mountains out of mole hills. Molded myself out of dirt. Now finally closing the distance.
Fight back, how the body reacts. Took a step back. Looked at the situation holistically. Now I can relax. Someone just wants attention. Your name is their mouth however, the insecurities unmentioned. Relentless, defenseless caught in the tension. Asked this question, is it me or will anyone do ? What’s the premise. A story now deploying because, said accuser’s life is boring. Of course you feel powerless, when in life emotions take a back seat and ego does all the touring. Easily satisfied, hunger never gratified. A stomach will ache on a bowl full of lies. Hype yourself up and live off the high. Grow old, never alleviate the little kid inside. Too big to cry. Too smart to try. Too cool to feel anything other than fly. Breakdown on the inside. Life inherently not fair. So you feeling some sort of pain every here and there. Too hype to care. Pieces of you left everywhere. Get it together man, face your fears. Matter of fact step here, if you think you don’t care. I’ll show you how much I don’t, smile in your face, snap a bone. Better yet I’ll scar you with a couple of words in this tone. Mommy / Daddy can’t talk right now. I’m on the phone. Go play somewhere else.
Tired of falling. Have yet to hit the ground. Back to reality, feet dragging this limp body around. Mentally I’m down, rotten flesh, rejected, splattered without a sound. Worst fear is to die with no one around. How does a king feel suffocated by zeal. Can you truly say the people around loved for-real. Forget the fact the mirror reflects your love back. A life lived with a broken neck, face towards the back. The smallest tree is still envied by the shrubs. Even if all the green in the forest is cut down to make a book with. Offense given, a fence risen, separated, closed off from the world at large. Sad to say, within this small bubble I’m in-charge. I died today and the funeral wasn’t large. Correction Sending out invites, is what I neglected. Piece of mind, laying here forever rested.
Contradiction my Ex. I’ll admit I stayed for the sex. More specifically to protect the idea of me. How stupid can I be, to let this person in. Physical fit due to mental gymnastics. Meet on occasions, personal split, trying to move forward, terrible at it. Remember all the fun times, yeah, that one time. Body, mind and soul sprung, treated like dung. Attention seek, unhealthily. Mamma told me, how you treat someone is a reflection of you. Hurt people, hurt people. Attacked everything around, called it blowing off steam. Stuck around, called it believing in the love that could be. Co-dependent flee. People pleasing or angry right out of sleep. Nothing is ever good enough or boundaries lost in the drama. Both parties, secret wish. Don’t abandon me.
A week later. Tempted to call her phone.